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PREVIOUS EXCERPT: #31

Excerpt #32

Last week I left off with a cliffhanger... but we must backtrack a little, because the events foreshadowed in D&D #31 are actually about 5 minutes away. Without further ado:

Balcoth: I think we should add double-doors. I like French doors. I have hinges.
Omit: The doors to Fort Taj-Mahal [which is mostly a 15x15 foot underground room with reinforced Walls of Stone] are currently hidden. I don't think we would want to modify them.
Balcoth: [Contines sharing his bunker-improvement suggestions, undaunted] Make sure the stairs are well defined; I don't want to fall.
Omit: The Continual Flame torches should keep it well lit.
Balcoth: We should just wall off the entrances with that spell, and then excavate them in the morning when we want to leave.
Omit: Well, we do have those well hidden air shafts, so we could cover over the entrances with Wall of Stone...
Verian: But that would take extra spells in the morning, effectively reducing our combat load for the day. [He doesn't mind all their "playing house", but it's plain where Verian draws the line...]
Omit: The main door (which is fairly hidden) is secured with 14 wards, which are permanent, and will be very unpleasant for anyone who tampers with it without knowing the password. The back door is basically just a stone slab blocked by some boulders inside, which can be moved out of the way with a little muscle if we need to escape. [Ed: the "fort" is all below ground level, and the two stairways to the entrances are on opposite sides, such that the surface entrances are about 45 feet apart]
Balcoth: That muscle being me...
Azheron: Well: yes. Since you are about as strong as the three of us put together. However anyone, regardless of their strength score, gives the same +2 bonus when they "assist" with a Strength check, so we can help.
Omit: I can make a living room, and then a bedroom for each of us...
Balcoth: I think it would be better to keep the space open so that we can't be divided and can communicate.
Verian: Those stairs are multiple squares long... they should be all we need for choke-points.
Omit: [Who apparently still has at least one Wall of Stone and more than one Stone Shape spell memorized, burning a hole in his pocket] Hmm... well, I could make each of us our own shrines for whatever deities we worship, with little statues of Pelor, Olidamara, um, Moradin I guess...

[GM had been letting this go on for some time, recognizing that some of the players were having fun and that, as tenuous as the connection may be, this was still something akin to roleplaying. However, there were certain indicators that the behavior had become counterproductive. For one thing, the fort-decorating was largely between Omit and Balcoth, and appeared to GM to be leaving the other players left out, or more likely just bored (though it was difficult to tell from their looks of bemusement). For another thing, GM was begining to suspect that Balcoth and Omit were spurring each other on to greater and greater decadence simply to test his own patience. Which was indeed being tested.]

Balcoth: I'd prefer just one statue, in the middle. But is there a way you could make some sort of washroom?
Omit: I can make a deep hole with some privacy walls and a seat.
Azheron: I don't think we want to rest in an outhouse.
GM: I think we've spent enough time on your idiot-assed plans guys.
Balcoth: It's not "idiot-assed", it's security.
Omit: [Still thinking about the washroom amenity] I can just "Purify" it with spells, so it won't smell afterwards...
Verian: That doesn't sound too efficient if it takes a spell every time...
GM: [Seething] And I'm sorry; I shouldn't have called it "idiot-assed". I should have called it f***cking idiot-assed plans!
Balcoth: [Rather blatantly ignoring such criticism, he continues talking to the other players] We should get a bunch of copper pieces, and put them in the bottom, and watch little creatures try to come and get them!
GM: Now you know how dungeons get built.
Azheron: [Laughing] You want to play Dungeon Keeper?
GM: So are you guys ready to rest yet?
Balcoth: [Being a bit more serious] Well, if we could take the portal to Sigil it would be good because there we could get groceries... [Ed: Balcoth's shopping list consists largely or Cure Moderate Wounds and Enlarge Person potions, but he is also quite aware of the importance of allowing Omit to periodically restock his assortment of random emergency scrolls]
GM: [His cynicism overloading] Ah, but then you'd have to deal with the grocer. He'd be all like "Good morrow to you, sir", and you'd be like "F*** you I'll rip your head off!", and he'd be like "I'm sorry if I've said anything to offend you good dwarf, sir, please accept this free ham as my apology for any misunderstanding", and then you'd be like "SCREW YOU!"...
Balcoth: That's never how it happens. [To Verian] Can you cast Wall of Iron?
Verian: No, I don't know that one.
Balcoth: You should get it. Wall of Iron is broken...
GM: [Thinks he sees where this is going] It has an expensive material component...
Balcoth: The iron sells for more. It makes this big wall of pure, solid quality, permanent iron. If you sell it off at book rates you make a profit of 23 gold per casting.
Verian: That's true, and it is handy, but its a fairly high-level spell. For sheer profit, I'm sure there have to be better ways to make money using that much magic.
GM: Be that as it may, we have better things to do than to discuss the market economics of creation spells!
Balcoth: Yeah, we still need you to make stables, Omit, so we can bring Helix down here.
GM: "Pegasus" is not interested in entering your underground cave. He can hide out okay on his own.
Omit: Well, it would still be good with Stampy down here...
Verian: We don't have Stampy, remember? Balcoth had to sell him when he went through his equipment upgrade for offense.
Omit: Oh. Well that was why I wanted the stables. So that Stampy could help us fight if anything was inside.
Balcoth: Well, even if we still had him, he only shows up for three days a month. It wouldn't make too much sense to build a big stables just for that... we don't want this place to be silly.
GM: [Flatly] You're too late. It all turned silly. So: you guys are all sitting around, resting (but probably not even sleeping, since you just rested a few hours ago). Rhaek is first to notice, seeing the magic aura, but a green gas is slowly flowing into your bunker from above through the air shafts.
Omit: But those air shafts were all hidden!
GM: Yes, but someone has been watching your bunker, and knows where it is in general, and the cloud sinks...
Verian: Cloudkill's only a level 5 spell. I cast Dispel Magic.
GM: [Barely pausing for the merest second, so that you had to be listening closely to catch even a hint that this simple but effective reaction might have caught him offguard] Okay, it's dispelled.
Balcoth: This is very annoying.
Azheron: So what do we do?
Balcoth: We could wait them out. They can't get in here easily, and if they do, I fight them in a choke-point while you guys cast spells over my head. Huge creatures can't get in here at all, and a large creature squeezed into the stairway is at serious penalties.
Omit: [Sounds a lot less enthusiastic about Fort Taj Mahal than he had just two minutes previous] Well... Dispel Magic is a lower level spell than Cloudkill, so they'd be wasting power to keep that up, but...
Verian: But this place is built for stealth, not a prolonged siege. It's too small and vulnerable to powerful enemies once they know we're here. And if they bring out that huge Earth Elemental it will get ugly.
Azheron: What about the back door?
Balcoth: I'll start moving the rocks to check the back door.
GM: You move your rocks aside no problem, but when you try to move the stone slab, it seems that it has other boulders piled on top from the other side. Someone has covered it up, and it will take a much more serious effort to get out that side.
Balcoth: Just disintegrate it...
Azheron: We might want those Disintegrates for what's on the other side. Is the front door clear?
Verian: Yeah don't disintegrate it. Look at this the other way; if we wait them out, they may be thwarted by your design and eventually come down the stairs to our advantage, but at a time of their choosing. If we "open the gates and charge", we get to cast every buff spell we can think of and burst out at the time of our choosing, with the bunker behind us as cover if things get too rough.
Omit: That's what I was thinking.
Azheron: I think we should attack. "I don't like being trapped in a hole with nowhere to maneuver".
Balcoth: Buffs are good.

Once Balcoth gave the word, overcoming the first dwarven urge (to build an impregnable subterranean fortress and defend it to the last breath), and moving on to the second dwarven urge (the hewing, severing and general axe-wound-causing urge), Omit and Verian sprung into action.

Omit: I'm going to cast Imbue With Spell Ability on Balcoth, temporarily infusing you with the knowledge and power to cast Shield Other and a 56-point healing spell. It's completely under your control, just as if you cast the spell, but each one you cast you lose (and I regain the spell slot).
Balcoth: Awesome.
Verian: I cast Mirror Image: I get 6 images.
Omit: Then I'll Bless us all.
Verian: I'll cast GM's Ablative Dispelling abjuration on myself.
Omit: Magic Circle against Evil.
Verian: Greater Blinking.
Omit: I cast Shield Other on Balcoth, then you cast yours back onto me.
Balcoth: Okay, I cast Shield Other. [This makes Omit very happy, because if they both cast it, then they now have damage sharing in both directions; if either of them takes damage from any source, half that damage (after passing through the defenses of the original target) is redirected to the other partner (ignoring the recieving partner's defenses).]
Verian: Then as soon as we decide to go, I'll cast Haste on everyone.
Balcoth: Is this all the buffs we have?
Omit: I want to cast Prayer outside so that it debuffs our enemies. [Ed: and checks which ones have Spell Resistance]
Verian: This is plenty - I am literally twice as useful if I have all this stuff cast and out of the way so that I can spend actions on other spells.
Balcoth: Don't you have any buffs Azheron?
Azheron: All my spells do damage. All of them.
Balcoth: I guess that's not bad.
Verian: We all set?
Omit: I think so. Open the door.
GM: Everyone roll initiative...

The silvery web-embroidery of Rhaek's black cloak swished from side to side. Six illusionary duplicates clustered around him as he walked towards the wall, and all leaned back in perfect unison so as to walk smoothly onto the perpendicular surface just left of the front entrance passage. Moving in unbroken stride, now up the wall towards the ceiling of Umit's "improvised shelter", his hands twitched rapidly as he cast the transmutation that weakened the barrier between himself and the Etherial plane, followed by his own complex somatic suffix - the flurry of motions, words and thoughts that bound the Blinking spell to be controlled by his mental reflexes.

On the other side of the entrance, Rikkon flapped her sleek membranous wings in one moderate push, propelling her gracefully up to the 15' foot ceiling, before instantly resuming her usual, subtle wingbeats to hover in mid-air. She held her tiny right hand open gathering energy in the form of electricity that squirmed and danced around her slender fingers; energy collected from the aether, just waiting to be shaped into whatever sorcery she needed within a moment's notice. The mephling looked across the way to the flickering images of Rhaek, knowing that for all his flashy and eratic spells, and for all of the varied and impressive-looking things he could do, he could never match the sheer power of her own battle-magic.

Standing on the floor beneath and between them, Umit held his shield-strapped left hand out in front, positioned in a Pelorite sign of prayer. With the main two fingers of his right hand covered in silver paint, and the untrembling experience of a hundred campaigns, he completes a circle of mathematical precision on the breast of his armor. The protective rune thus inscribed, he finished the prayer of Protection from Evil, smeared the remainder of the precious-metal infused paint on the corner near him, and tossed his white, sun-emblazoned tabard overtop of it. Reaching back into his enchanted backpack with his now-empty main hand, he called his three maces, each in turn, until deciding on the silver one - scourge of all evil "children of the night". Pulling it out of the Haversack and raising it before him, he looked up the stairs and the indominable warrior, Balcoth.

Gleaming with adamantite - bearing nearly a quarter-ton of that metal of unparalleled rigidity and tensile strength that is borne to earth only by stellar impacts - the dwarf approached the stone door of the magically excavated and reinforced shelter. He bore no allusions about the dangers that likely laid in wait; he knew there was at least one powerful wizard who would not have come alone - not without monstruous allies. But with runic axe in hand, his shield hovering ready as his side and his Luckblade within easy reach, Balcoth made no special preparations. No archaic gestures, no mumbled prayers, nothing but a quick glance back to make sure the others were ready to do their part.

Rhaek (and the indistinguishable duplicates which flawlessly mimicked his every move) ceased flickering for a second, and with a couple short words and the outward sweeping gesture of an umpire calling "Safe!", one last transmutation washed over the group. Balcoth felt it... although there was nothing else moving within the shelter; no frame of reference against which to compare himself, still he could feel the familiar slowing. The slowing of everything else compared to him. He loved that feeling. A flick of the wrist slid the deadbolt wide open, and he pulled open the door, letting the afternoon light down the stairs.

"The rats are pouring out of their hole!" bellowed the alien voice of a black dragon, deep as sin, but with a cacophony is hissing overtones. Standing ten feet tall at the back a few steps from the top of the stairs, its grinning crocodile head resting twice that high atop its prehistoric neck. A second black-scaled monster the same size stomped into view, towering directly over Balcoth, with its claws practically on the threshold of the staircase, and an armored leg the size of a thick tree-trunk blocking the way out.

"They can run right into my jaws, hrA, hrA, hrA!" It craned its neck, peered straight down at the little armored dwarf, and as it laughed down, the fumes were putrid, like warm air off a polluted bog.

"Yeah, yeah," Balcoth replied, in a tone that somehow communicated how utterly unimpressed he was by the massive bulk and rapier wit of the beasts, "You have the exact same 'jokes' as the last black dragons we killed. Answer me something useful; do ya know any dragon parts that sell well? I'm thinkin to wizards - they'll buy all kinds'a useless junk"

The part that really sells a counter-taunt is not so much what you say as the attitude with which you dismiss your opponents. Incensed, the near dragon's head snapped down like a whip. Balcoth bent his knees and leapt forward, landing near its foreleg (with his spiked shield following close behind him), but even with his magical Haste he barely avoided being caught in the man-sized jaws which snaked around in reaction to his move. The dragon reared up on its hind legs and stomped down on the dwarf, who threw up his axe (clutched in both hands) and raised one shoulder, turning his face away to make room for his shield which flew instantly between his shoulder, the axe, and the broad incoming foot, helping spread out the force that he braced against. The shield's mean-looking spikes failed even to bite into the thick scale of the dragon's claw, but Balcoth adjusted under the weight, preparing to shove the leg off to his side, when Rikkon leaned around the corner within the 'fort' and spared him the trouble. The energy curling around her fingers crackled and expanded as she pulled in more magic from around her and within her. She reached out, closing her fist such that the energy swirled around it and turned a pale green, and then it projected out in the lethal beam of a disintegration spell. Aimed squarely for the place where the dragon's neck joined its hideous body, with unnatural reflexes the monster flinched back and drew its wing in front. The green light shone through the thick wing membrane as though it were translucent, and round voids appeared, piercing the wing and widening akin to the holes in burning movie film, but the innate magic resistance of the beast's hide broke the spell prematurely, saving the dragon from full disintegration. Its high-pitched screech of pain seemed wildly disproportionate to the actual damage caused - a sign of how the visible damage was a mere shadow of what the spell could have wrought.

"The dragons are Hasted," came Rhaek's voice from within the shelter.

"Oh, ya think?" replied Balcoth, but glancing back for a second he tried too late to shout out a warning. As he watched, his blindfolded ally rose etherially through the ground, right into the midst of a crowd of wights with a skeletal dragon behind them. The undead, who had not been visible from the bunker stairs (since they were positioned directly above the underground room), were as surprised as Balcoth was, watching as the illusory mirror images spread out from and shuffled around the caster.

Rhaek, having passed through earth and stone by controlling the normally-random phasing in-and-out of his Blinking spell, masked his displeasure at having risin within reach of a reanimated dragon corpse. Scanning around visually he could plainly see the familiar transmutation aura of Haste on all the enemies, but the dragons each had three other distinct minor spells affecting them. More important was that he couldn't see any sign of the wizard - it is true that dragons this size often posess minor magic of their own, such as Mage Armor, but Haste, Animate Dead and Cloudkill spells are far beyond their abilities. Rhaek reached out, and splaying the fingers of his spiked silver gauntlet he dispelled the area around the dragons before allowing his Blinking to randomize again. Each dragon's most powerful aura dissipated back into the aether, but it was asking too much to hope that the enemy spellcaster had been cowering invisibly behind his monsters, to be caught in the dispel. "...Were Hasted."

Umit stepped up and raised his arms; raised his palms heavenward and called forth a more powerful blessing of the sun. The aggravated dragon threw back both wings to its sides (including the partially disintegrated one), pulled back its head with a deep breath, and expelled a stream of corrosive acid; not the acidic bile that a lizard may spit in its prey's eyes, but a true, almost elemental stream of supernatural power aimed at the cleric at the base of the stairs. It washed over Balcoth, unable to infiltrate the flawless interlocking seals of his armor, but splashing the left side of his face, and the noxious fumes alone were enough to affect him. Umit, behind him, threw up his right arm, with his forearm straight up and his mace thus held perpendicular, sticking out to the side. As the column of acid struck him full force, it split, blasting the stone walls to either side of the stairs as though pushed aside and dismissed by his arm. As the flow subsided, leaving Umit unscathed, a bright light on his raised hand also subsided, fading to a mere, rather plain-looking ring. Umit could see that pinpoint of light reflected for a second in the mirror-sheen of the dragon's huge eye, and he could see recognition there - recognition that this battle was not a foregone conclusion... at least, not the conclusion the saurian had expected.

The second dragon advanced and snapped out at Balcoth, and soon both dragons were attacking him fiercely with huge maws and sinous necks, but with them no longer accelerated by magic, Balcoth had a decided advantage. Blocking with shield and axe, the dwarf snuck in precise counterattacks, with a glancing blow above the eye of one, and a spiked adamantine elbow right in the face of the other as its head streaked by missing him. On the surface, he had failed to penetrate their metal-like hide; failed to inflict any real damage... But to Umit's analytical eye, as he watched carefully for any sign of injury - injuries which would surely be hidden by the very armor that protected the dwarf - he saw that within seconds the warrior had disrupted a frenetic two-pronged assault just enough to get their bite attacks out of sync, alternating one and then the other, such that Balcoth could easily handle them. The dragons didn't even realize yet that they were being controlled.

Rhaek was trying to gather his energy for another casting when the bone dragon began attacking him with its sharp claws and the tips of its useless skeletal wings, and the rotting bodies of the wights descended upon him. They tore at him, each trying to grab his head in both hands and bite into it, but grabbed only illusions. The cluster of fake Rhaeks thinned as the images shattered one at a time, but one after another the images shifted and with no way to distinguish the real one, only as the last image was destroyed did one of them bite down onto something real - its distorted ghoulish teeth stopping against Rhaek's raised gauntlet, jarring the enchanted silver. But before either combattant could react, the ghoul melted away towards the right - it and all its kin eradicated by a luminous blaze which even the dead dragon shrank away from. Rheak peered back in the direction of the light to where Umit stood on the stairs, holy symbol of the sun raised in triumph.

Over Umit's shoulder the familiar arc of Rikkon's most powerful lightning spell shot out from one pain-wracked dragon towards the other, but the second target shielded itself with crossed wings, dissipating the electricity with its spell resistance. But then Rhaek caught something out of the corner of his eye; off to the side of the battle, the telltale "de-cloaking" effect of someone casting a spell from under Improved Invisibility. The enemy dispel attempt was cancelled out, expending the ablative ward the spider-cloaked jack-of-all-trades had cast earlier, but now he had an idea where the enemy caster was. Lowering his Luckblade, he waved his empty, silverplated hand at the wounded dragon, causing two more of its magic auras to wink out, then he began sinking into the solid ground as though the hard-packed dirt and magically conjured stone below were quicksand. The bone dragon reached down, biting clean through his torso but its yellow-white jaws passed harmlessly as Rhaek was now fully etherial, sliding down out of sight into the bunker.

The wounded dragon began striking more frantically, trying to trip Balcoth, but he surprised it by simply drifting off the ground, powered by his flying boots. The second dragon managed to get a claw past his shield and strike him in the side with a lot of force, knocking him sideways a few feet through the air, but as the first dragon tried to capitalize, the floating shield moved to block its striking head, and Balcoth kicked fiercely at the underside of the shield, banging it hard into the dragon's nose and dazing it, then he used his magic flight to flip over and around, dart under the head, and hack clean into the black-scaled neck with a two-handed baseball swing. The massive creature recoiled, spurting blood. It was not a lethal wound, but a very sensitive one that shocked the dragon. Its partner forced Balcoth back with its own acidic breath weapon, which Balcoth dodged pretty well, though it forced him down to the ground, and Umit dived back down the stairs. Even as he rolled around the corner, the stream of acid was deflected from around the cleric in a radius of several inches by his Ring of Evasion. And no sooner had Umit rolled into cover and the acid passed, when Rikkon flew around and out from above him, and in a motion that mimicked a monk's palm strike, she tossed a tiny globule of swirling, compact energy which flew between and past the dragons.

A great wind pulled every blade of the dead grass and every leaf in that direction, along with Rikkon's tabbard and her flowing hair - just for an instant, and then all were thrown back as the oxygen was converted into the violent explosion of a Fireball spell; a blistering intense heat so dramatic that the flames are blasted in and out of existence in the blink of an eye. The dragons howled and screeched as the black scales on the back half of their bodies were left with red-orange superheated edges, while the effect stopped short of hitting Balcoth. Umit rushed back up the stairs to see if there were any injuries, and felt a concerted mental attack. Looking around, he was sure he caught a hint of an invisible caster re-cloaking. That felt like one of the powers of Eyebite, he thought. His impenetrable resolve allowed him to shrug off the enemy spell, but he was distracted enough that he failed to notice to the approach of the undead dragon from behind. It whipped Umit with its serrated tail, striking him in the back as he retreated into the shelter once more, and for the first time Balcoth felt some of the sting, through the link of the mutual Shield Other spells.

"I get the feelin' this works out better for you, Umit", he found time to holler back while pushing the attack on the most wounded of the two dragons. The dragon, however, its throat covered in its own blood from the neck wound, and its tail still spasming from nerve damage caused by Rikkon's Arc Lightning, had had enough. It beat its massive wings, and the disintegration holes did not reduce the surface area enough to prevent it from gaining a good twenty feet of altitude, firing off one last stream of burning poison breath at the vicious dwarf, then propelling itself another hundred feet away. Umit, safe down in the bunker, merely smiled wryly, fingering some mild acid burns on the left side his face. "Let it go!", shouted Balcoth, mostly for Rikkon's benefit, since to Balcoth's eye she was the only one contributing a whole hell of a lot to his victory, "These little dragons don't matter; just find that caster!"

"They don't matter to you." she replies, flying back to put a little distance between herself and the enemies. However she fired a Scorching Ray spell at the bone dragon less because she disagreed than because no other target was presenting itself. The skeleton reeled under the flaming bolts, but suddenly Rikkon was hit by something intangible, losing 5 feet of height before recovering her balance... she was hit by a powerful feeling of sickness, of weakness... it was obviously magical, but knowing that did little to abate the feeling. Even as she reeled, she was hit by three of the same flaming missiles she had just used. The sequential impacts left her with severe burns, but also with clear smoke trails the she could follow back to the magically obfuscated enemy wizard, not far from her. Fighting the pain and dizzyness, she pointed: "He's over here!"

And suddenly the enemy caster was in plain sight. Rhaek emerged, black hair and "blindfold" first he phased once more through the ground. But this time an imperceptible aura (from a spell he had cast within the shelter) extended outward in all directions to suppress any invisibility around him. What it revealed in this case was a man in robes, a safe distance off to the side of the combat, in many-layered grey robes and with his face concealed by a white porcelain mask. Rhaek raised his arms to shoulder height, his holy Luckblade pointed out to his right-side and his spiked parrying guantlet to his left, but rather than attacking he released a pulse of positive energy, using one of his divine spells to heal some of the wounds of his allies, as well as inflicting light damage on the skeletal dragon. Umit seemed to think that was a good idea, but he cranked it up with his own far more specialized healing pulse, relieving virtually all the pain suffered thus far by himself, Balcoth and Rikkon, even healing the acid scars, and making a far more serious assault on the negative energy binding and sustaining the skeleton's undeath. But the mindless undead was merely a puppet of the wizard who animated it, and under the masked figure's direction, it lurched off in an unexpected direction, leaping and tearing at Rikkon. Though the claws were so close that they shredded her tabbard and pulled at the links of the chain shirt beneath, so close that it must have shorn years off her life, she managed to escape without real injury, flying straight up now to gain some definitive momentum.

Rising, with the sun at her back, Rikkon spread her wings wide, such that the light from behind cast her into shadow. The sparks that appeared in front of her were thus clearly visible even from the ground forty feet below. The crackling energy coursed up her slender arms, intensifying until it was possible to make out the outlines of her cupped hands within the shadow, and of uncharacteristically fierce lines on her normally pretty face. The wizard down below was carefully watching the movements of the dwarf who was cutting through his draconic minions, looking for an opportunity to shut him down, when he felt something. His robes rustled, as though caught in a wind from behind... an updraft? He looked down, catching motion in his peripheral vision, but it was just the grass - the brown-white sun-dried grass, which was dead, and flat, and matted over the entire clearing - was also caught in the wind, standing up straight and wavering just a tiny bit. The darkened eyeslits in his Sobe mask jerked suddenly upward, realizing too late... The fireball blast wave knocked him back ten feet through the air, the rush of flames searing the many folds of his robes black at the ends before self-extinguishing by exhausting all the available oxygen. Large parts of the bone dragon were blackened by the blast, since Rikkon had caught it too close to the wizard and hit them both.

The masked spellcaster rolled over and pushed himself back up onto his feet, watching his remaining dragon - the one that had not abandoned him - attack the dwarf, the holy man and the dilettante with its acid breath, but they had weathered several such assaults, and even the the blindfolded fool withstood it, thanks to his Blinking spell. The dragon skeleton was still standing strong, and it would take them a long time at this rate to break his spell upon its massive bones, but as long as he was visible the wizard knew he was vulnerable, so he needed to re-establish his own physical security before he could concentrate on slitting their throats. Drawing a human skull out from under his robes, he clasped it in both hands with a forefinger in each eye-socket, and brought it down on his knee - breaking and pulling it apart almost into two clean halves. Combined with a few words of necromancy, he summoned spirits of suffering which rose from the ground to form a barrier. The dark wall arose in front of him like a gateway to the netherworld, looking like nothing so much as a breach between the material plane and the torments of the Nine Hells. It drew the gaze of the heroes on the ground unwillingly, even as the barrier blocked the line of effect between Rhaek and the wizard: blocking the Invisibility Purge and allowing the necromancer to disappear.

Rikkon hovered - too far above the vertical plane of the spiritwall to be affected - but from her vantage she saw the enemy disappear. She could also see all her friends transfixed by the horrific sight and by the spellbinding power of its negative energy. She saw Umit simply turn away from it, then Rhaek shook his head and pulled his gaze off of it, cradling his blindfolded eyes in one hand to steady himself, and finally Balcoth... something was wrong. Although there was no way to see his face under all that armor, from up high, his posture had changed to one very unlike him. Balcoth, fighting dragons two-on-one, laughed at them. Balcoth ridiculed the hideous four-armed Glabrezu, a creature literally from hell that outmassed him by fifty times or more. Even when running for his life from the huge elemental, Balcoth didn't shrink away, and nothing made Balcoth drop his weapon... but here he did. He took another step back, and his marvellous shield clattered to the ground. It so often seemed that the floating shield had a life of its own, but it was too easy to forget that it is not an "intelligent" item. It's every move is guided by Balcoth's will, his instincts and his subconscious, and the fact that it failed was proof positive that the magical fear emanating from that sinister wall had ensorcelled him.

Guided by its invisible master, the bone dragon pressed the attack on Umit, trying to keep the priest from using his holy powers to undo the fear magic. As it struck him and crushed him against the wall, Balcoth shuddered at the pain shared from the Shield Other spell, whereas he had shown no sign of feeling it on earlier occasions. Caught offguard by the brutal blow, Umit was forced further down the stairs to try to escape the monstrous skeleton's reach. Meanwhile the black dragon laughed its bellowing screetching laugh to see the steely 5-foot tall juggernaut reduced to cowering before it. Off to the side and on his own Rhaek mumbled to himself, though it was hard to tell if it was a prayer to his elusive luck goddess, Olidamara, or if it was merely some bemused monologue:

"You got me; nobody saw that one coming to be sure. What twist of fate sees the imperturbable warrior thus perturbed? But imagine the look on that dragon's face when the tables turn once more..." He waved his hand, and raised his voice to make sure his bewitched ally could hear, "You've walked through that spell before, we already know it can't stop you. Now pick yourself up and wipe the grin off that lizard's face."

The anti-fear spell lifted the cloud from Balcoth's mind, snapped him out of it, and suddenly the horrific spirit barrier was just an ugly wall to him. Balcoth sprung forward, and without even touching the ground he stooped, snatching his deadly axe out of the dirt and then veering upwards, soaring off the ground and out of reach of the wall, with his shield snapped up as though by magnetism, orbiting him rapidly while he got his bearings. Floating high above the battlefield and looking for the wizard, he felt a wave of antimagic wash over him, stripping of him of his Haste. But the enemy failed in this last attempt to undo the Remove Fear; to keep the dwarf trapped in his own mind. Now that he was free, he didn't need Rhaek's spell anymore anyhow.

"Oh, I am pissed now!" he uttered. Down below, Umit was shaking off the last hit inside the bunker, at the base of the stairs, but got off a casting of Searing Light as the skeletal dragon reached down. The holy beam dealt visible damage to the lifeless skull and shattered some of its ribs, but the monstrosity showed no sign of slowing down. Clawing as far as it could but finding the white-clad cleric out of reach, it began advancing into the staircase. Balcoth streaked down from the air to land lightly behind it, right between it and the living dragon, but the mindless undead would not be distracted, and the other quickly forced the dwarf onto the defensive. With no mortal flesh or sinew, it was far easier for the skeleton to squeeze into the narrow space than for any living creature of its former volume, and it put forward its claws to pull itself forward, to pull it's shoulders down the narrow staircase and bring itself into striking range with its extended saurian neck, when one claw came into contact with the stone slab of the open door. A hidden rune on the surface went from effectively invisible to an eerie neon glow, then two more sprung up around it, and then there were over a dozen glowing sigils. Umit saw and dived around the corner. Just as Balcoth turned to face the last black dragon front on, and it reared up to try and stomp him down, the dwarf was lit from behind by a chain of small explosions which amounted to a massive thundering cluster of flame and smoke that rained bone fragments upon them. The last dragon shuddered and dropped back down on all fours.

"Ha! You should do that again Umit", Balcoth shouted over his shoulder, without really looking back on the smoke pouring out of the underground bunker and revealing the hidden air shafts. He kept his eyes on the dragon, and now addressed it directly, with a maniacal grin which it probably couldn't see behind his adamantine faceplate, but which came through in the tone of his gruff voice. "Don't worry lizard; I'm sure your master'll find himself another dragon skeleton... somewhere..."

Rhaek had been circling around the necromantic "wall", and as he brought his anti-insivibility field to bear, he found... nothing. The enemy spellcaster had clearly moved out of range. He picked what he thought was the most likely direction of escape and bolted off with a burst of speed which was uncannily fast even for one Hasted - and that despite the slowing drag caused by the fraction of his time spent in the etherial plane. But as Umit climbed out of the stairs through massive ribs wreathed in black smoke, they could see no trace of the wizard. The real enemy had quit the field, just as the first of the black dragons had. With a shrug, Rikkon fired another trio of scorching rays into the remaining dragon, striking it in the face and neck, as Balcoth rose off the ground and dove in for the kill.

Well, that's what happens when you take a good D&D battle, blow-by-blow, and use a little imagination to envision it. Some of the misses were really hits (hit points being an abstract concept) and there were a lot more numbers involved, but that's as close as you are going to get, unless we can convince Quentin Tarantino to produce Balcoth: the Movie. The main dynamic for the fight was that dragons would only occasionally hit Balcoth, then he'd take -6 damage from his damage-reduction, and the remaining damage would be split - half to him, half to Umit. Naturally, Balcoth was utterly dismissive of the damage which trickled in gradually and was completely wiped out by AoE healing later on - what really got to him was having to track all the point-fives (remember that GM dissaproves of rounding anything), or worse, the 0.25 damage he suffered when a dragon's 1.5x critical hit was halved.

Omit: So that last hit does 11 damage, minus 6 for your DR is 5, leaving us with 2.5 damage each.
Balcoth: [scribbles, turning a .75 into a .25] That's it, I hit myself in the head to lose 0.25 HP and end this insanity!
Verian: ...you'd have to hit yourself pretty hard, to get through your damage reduction. You'd have to do 6.25 damage.
Omit: Actually, he'd have to do twice that much because it's being split. Er, I mean, 6.5 damage.
Balcoth: [Whose axe does x2 criticals, rather than our standard x1.5] I can't do point-five!

And there were some other, usual sort of conflicts. Same old issues, coming up once again in a situation just dissimilar enough to previous occasions as to stir up the same debates again:

Azheron: I'll Empowered Scorching Ray the dragon. [He may have mis-spoke, meaning the skeletal one, since Balcoth was standing right between the two]
GM: Okay. The dragon's getting cover from Balcoth.
Azheron: And the bone dragon? [The remaining black dragon was on the far side of Balcoth, whereas the bone dragon was directly between Azheron's character and the fighter]
GM: Yes, it is in melee with him.
Verian: [Reminding of previous house errata] And he is within one size category.
Azheron: ...oooo-kay... even though it makes no sense...
Verian: [Raising an index finger is a sort of "Eureka!" gesture] Yes! But it makes Slightly Less no sense!
GM: As long as it's consistent.

When firing any ranged attack "into melee" the attacker generally suffers a -4 penalty for cover. This penalty can be ignored by archers with a combination of 2 feats, but most spellcasters do not have those feats because they have few feat choices available to split between defensive and magic feats, and also because until a more recent book is was not clear that Precise Shot worked for ray spells as it does for weapons.

The issue becomes one of determining what constitutes "in melee". Between foes of different reach and size categories, this is not always as obious as one would think. With some discussion, our D&D group decided that in order to be "in melee", both combattants had to be within reach of one-another. This means that a human 10 feet away can't take cover from you just because he is wielding a whip, for example. But if you both had whips or polearms, then you are "threatening" each other, and are therefore assumed to be jockeying for position. Similarly, we ruled that you could not take cover from an opponent more than one size-class smaller than yourself. So a Huge creature occupying 3x3 map squares cannot take cover from a regular 1x1 square human-sized creature. However, a Large 2x2 square dragon could take cover from a human or dwarf "in melee" with it, because even if the smaller creature is one the far side from the attacker, "in melee" implies that the combattants are moving and dodging back and forth, in and around the abstract map squares they currently occupy.

But the fast approaching end of the fight was most signified when the bone dragon triggered the Explosive Runes and was annihilated. That seems to be the point when the enemy spellcaster, insivible once more, left the scene, leaving just one of the relatively small dragons to be mopped up.

Balcoth: [Regarding the Runes] Great! You should do that again, Omit!
GM: Why don't you remind them how much those runes cost, Omit?
Omit: [Evasively] It's my money... it cost them nothing.
GM: Yes, I'm sure that's how Verian and Balcoth will look at it.
Verian: [Making an effort not to think about the costly material components] Well, I can drop a heal-over-time spell on Balcoth.
Balcoth: NO! No more numbers every round!

As the last dragon went down, we surveyed the battlefield and found, of course, no treasure of any kind. We added two to the tally of "dragons for which we recieved no treasure", and proceeded to deciding our next course of action:

Omit: Well, because we rested so soon after WindWalking back to the shelter, we still have 3 hours left on the spell.
Balcoth: Then let's go back to the last town to rest then.
GM: [From whose perspective the players have just ran away from one fight, then rested, then got attacked, then ran back and rested, and just fought off an attack while resting and have now decided to go and rest further back from "the front lines"] Look up PUSSY in the dictionary...
Omit: Yep. And chicken.
GM: What happened to Fort Knox here?
Omit: Not "Fort Knox", Fort Taj Mahal.
Verian: It's not safe anymore.
GM: IT WAS NEVER SAFE!
Balcoth: You know what it needs? A sauna... I need to soak.
Omit: Well, we could excavate a chamber and put rocks under wood benches...
Verian: If you use metal instead of rocks for warmth, we can just use a Heat Metal spell.
Balcoth: [Envisioning it] Like looted armor and junk we have lying around...
Omit: Hey, that's a good idea!
GM: NO IT'S NOT!

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Excerpt #33

So, with any illusion of security in their magically constructed bunker shattered, the players opted to retreat back even further, all the way to the last town. Although they consciously did not voice this (except about the planar nexus of Sigil, where this rule was explicit and commonly known), the party had all noted that GM appeared strongly averse to attacking them when they were resting at an inn, within an established settlement. The countryside abounds with increasingly brutal monsters, most of which by now seem able to flatten ordinary cities, but they never seemed to try - at least, not when we were around. But the likely reason for this is that GM logically assumes that a city's continued existance in such dangerous surroundings is itself proof that the settlement can defend itself (perhaps due to a powerful NPC), or that the threat of retribution from the nation's King is enough that troublemakers seek not to draw attention on a national scale.

Once we had secured an inn, rested and regained our spells, we were ready for action. So what do we do? We start looking for a place to buy lead. Big sheets of lead. We are beginning a new session, and in the intervening week (and even the week before), Omit and Balcoth had been planning and plotting, trying to find and refine a strategy that would allow the party to rest unmolested in the wilds. Much as they loved Fort Taj Mahal, they had boiled down the problem and knew that miniaturization and portability were key. Their current design, based on concerns of weight, cost, and nightly spell usage, involved a small array of lead plates, just thick enough to block all targetted forms of divination. These plates would be just enough to lock into place covering and "sealing" a rectangular space just large enough to (uncomfortably) fit the four heroes for the night. Umit could carve the space with a single Stone Shape spell, and he was planning to get a mystic Bottle of Air to avoid suffocating us all... Although it was unclear whether or not Omit had already acquired such an item for his cleric's mysterious inventory.

Balcoth: So where can we get some big lead sheets?
GM: I'm sure you could find a place in Sigil...
Balcoth: I'm not going to Sigil!
GM: Then what are you going to do?
Omit: We'll go back to that city that has the portal to Sigil. You said that because of its size and trade links through the portal, you could buy essentially anything there. Beyond that...
Balcoth: This town must have a sauna...
Verian: 'Well it ain't the Taj Mahal...'

A brief Wind Walk later and we were even further back into "friendly" territory, in that city whose name we could never remember, which served as something of an extraplanar suburb to Sigil (the city of annoying NPCs who you can't kill). The lead was a bit of a strange request, but arrangements were made to get the sheets custom-made to spec within a few days, and Omit turned to even more ambitious matters.

GM: So you've got your lead. What are you guys going to do now?
Omit: GM, is this planet volcanically active or geologically inert?
GM: What???
Omit: With no Teleportation possible on the Prime Material Plane, there would be a huge potential for trade if I could hire a whole bunch of clerics and tunnel through the world.
GM: What???
Ahzeron: [Equally disbelieving] It's like, The Core
Omit: With two shafts, the clerics could move people from one side to the other with Wind Walk spells, like from Grandular's Kingdom down to 'France'. The shortest distance between two points and all that. I just need to hire 157 level fifteen clerics to get it all set up...
Azheron: That's a lot of high-level clerics.
Balcoth: [Seems more interested in watching GM explode in slow motion than in actually contributing to this discussion]
Verian: Yeah, if there even are that many... but you said two shafts. The world is 3-D, so wouldn't you need another shaft crossing in the middle?
Omit: [Pauses, looks down at his notes, and starts scribbling and calculating for about thirty seconds] I need 230 fifteenth-level clerics.

[Somehow, we got off that, after a few minutes. The argument probably could have been avoided by declaring the planet volcanically active (with a molten core which would have rendered the idea even more obviously impractical than it already was), but GM was probably too stunned by the utter randomness...]

But the players are not totally inert. With all their spells back, rested, and with a little bit of that "creative design" urge out of their system, they are anxious to Wind Walk back to that cave (making sure to avoid any other fights on the way), buff up according to their plan and get revenge on the really big Earth Elemental that ambushed them weeks ago. Verian cast Divination again to confirm that yes, it was still there and alone. Omit cast Imbue with Spell Ability to once again transfer Balcoth the ability to cast Shield Other and a 56-hit-point Cure spell.

GM: How much you gonna bet Balcoth'll use the heal on himself.
Omit: As long as it gets used, I'm happy.

After a few short hours speeding across the skies like a divine wind, the party alighted outside that familiar cave. Rhaek cast Mirror Image to protect himself, while Umit Blessed everyone and cast Aid upon Balcoth for some temporary hitpoints, who then swapped Shield Other castings with him. The players then advanced into the cave in formation, with Balcoth up ahead to draw out the ambush, Umit back 30 feet (his maximum healing range), and the others hanging back further to remain within that same "safe zone" around the cleric.

Penetrating deeper within the cave, the huge Earth Elemental popped up right about when they expected and used its surprise-round to attack Balcoth. However, it hadn't emerged where they expected; it had come up on the wrong side of Balcoth, and while it nobody else was technically within its prodigious reach, it was one 5-foot step away from Umit and Rhaek, the latter of which was more-or-less pinned against the cavern wall by the broad "threatened" area.

Omit: I'll back off to here and ready for after the Elemental goes again.
GM: You're so brave...
Balcoth: His job is not "to be brave".

Balcoth hits it back a couple of times for decent damage, and of course gathers data to help him optimize future attacks against the same target. Then Rhaek, boxed in to a small space and at serious risk should the enemy move his way, started looking around for a way out. He had planned to cast Haste as soon as the enemy showed up (so as not to waste any rounds of the powerful buff), but since his vertical movement wouldn't help against an enemy who can attack out of the walls or cieling, he was now forced to make a break for it, using his Xeph racial speed power to pass through and out of the Elemental's reach. And so instead of Haste, he cast Greater Blinking to improve his chances, and with his mirror images around him, he ran through the danger zone.

GM: The elemental takes his attack of opportunity.
Verian: Okay.
GM: [Rolls] Does AC 42 hit?
Verian: [Not bothering to look at his character's armor class of 17] Yep. Roll for the mirror images.
GM: It hits an image, kills it... uses Cleave to get another attack...
Verian: [Suddenly sounds very worried] Wait, does it have Great Cleave?
Omit: Yes.

[Under our house rules, we made the Cleave feats work on Mirror Images, because it makes the feats more useful, and otherwise the spell is pretty gross. But the normally seld-used Great Cleave feat allows the attacker to continue making free attacks as long as each attack drops its target. Since Mirror Images have no hit points, and the Elemental couldn't actually miss Rhaek's wizardly armor class, this meant that the images offered no protection whatsoever... the Elemental would just mow through them on its free Cleave attacks until it hit the character himself.]

GM: ...it rolls for images again and hits... you. Rolling for miss chance... [from the Greater Blinking spell]... and it misses you.

Verian looks relieved, as that was the only way for the attack to stop, other than actually hitting him for 40% of his hit points. He continues on to a safe distance. Then the Elemental's initiative comes up, and it full-attacks Balcoth, hitting with both massive fists. The end results are 18.5 and 13.5 damage, respectively, AFTER Balcoth's damage reduction and the 50/50 split with Umit (meaning the attacks would normally have done roughly 40 and 30 damage). Rikkon fired a Scorching Ray into the enemy, which (as mentioned in a previous report) is essentially just a big block of big stats, and has no special defenses against magical attacks. After the Elemental went, Umit used his readied action to heal a bit, then it was his own turn (he readied again), and we were back to Balcoth's turn.

Balcoth: I'll PowerAttack for 3... no, for 7... no, 3... AC...26... less... no, 7. I Full-Attack, PowerAttacking for 7.

Taking advantage of its relatively low armor class (for a solo monster), Balcoth hammers at the Elemental, wielding his axe two-handed for added strength bonus and double the PowerAttack damage for that huge to-hit penalty he has accepted. All this helps him to beat through its 10/- damage reduction against physical attacks, and still inflict significant damage. Azheron's character fired an Empowered Scorching Ray spell this time, rolling quite a lot of fire damage, and this time Verian had enough space that he felt secure casting Haste on the party, which would increase Balcoth's damage in future rounds even further.

The rest of the fight fell into place in a straightforward fashion... the much vaunted Earth Elemental used its 5-foot step every round to move closer to (and frighten away) whichever of the fragile characters strayed too close to it, but since they never allowed themselves to be trapped, it ended up using all of its attacks on Balcoth. Its damage was prodigious (it was not uncommon to deal two 38-damage hits in a round, before adjustments), but with the party expecting it, and ready for it, it had little chance of winning unless it could outlast Umit's more effective healing spells. And although Umit was forced to burn through one high-level spell per round (including Heal) healing both Balcoth and himself, the Shield-Other spell did its job, and Rikkon (and in rounds after the Haste spell, Rhaek as well) kept up a continuous barrage of Scorching Rays - that and Balcoth's damage finished it before any real close calls could arise. We called it a week.

[When we took up the story once more, the following week, things started off somewhat less orderly. GM pronounced that the spell Scorching Ray was far too powerful and efficient for a Level Two spell. Like the predominant Magic Missile, it is a low-level attack spell which increases in power at certain key caster levels. Scorching Ray fires one ray for 4d6 damage (at caster level 3), adding a second ray at level 7, and a third at level 11; this means that for a wizard at any of those points, the spell deals total damage greater than 1d6 per caster level. The spell becomes more powerful again if the caster has the Empower Spell feat, allowing him to cast it as a Level Four spell dealing 50% more damage, and magnifying any damage-advantage that the spell has. On the other hand (as the players were fond of pointing out), it is a single-target spell, whereas most of the arcane spells which deal comparable damage can deal full damage to multiple enemies, and furthermore, since Scorching Ray's damage is divided into three parts, the target's fire resistance (if any) applies each time, making the spell near useless against many planar creatures, or nearly any form of magical fire protection.]

Azheron: [Things don't get to him easily, but you can see that he's starting to feel the way Omit did about continuous progressive "adjustments"] So we have one fight where nothing has energy resistance or high SR, and suddenly we're all "broken".
GM: What? The undead didn't have SR, the cats didn't have SR... even the dragons only had about SR 25; that's not high for a level 14 party.
Verian: There were more than one of the dire tigers, so he didn't even use rays on them, because AoEs do way more damage.
Azheron: I'm only level 13 [The XP penalty from dying has done a pretty good job of keeping him one level behind].
GM: Well that's not my fault...

[The others all exchange knowing and insinuating glances, which doesn't improve GM's mood]

GM: ...and you should have taken the Spell Penetration feats.
Azheron: Every spell I ever had ignored Spell Resistance!
GM: Every spell you ever had ignored SR, and was better than any spell in the PHB even without that, and you don't see a problem with it?
Verian: They weren't better than Scorching Ray, or the Druid version of Flame Strike, which is an AoE. Or the book versions of the Necro-rays [powerful non-damage-dealing debuffs; Ray of Enfeeblement, which GM reduced from a maximum Strength debuff of 1d6+5 to a fixed -4, or Ray of Exhaustion which GM banned] And they aren't significantly better than Psionics... since the purpose of the Complete Arcane Handbook (the source of many of Azheron's spells) was to level the playing field with the newer, more advanced stuff like Psionics.
GM: But it's the wrong level! The mobs in the Monstrous Manual were never designed to deal with your huge damage, no-save rays...
Verian: Like Scorching Ray, from the Player's Handbook... or Polar Ray.
GM: Oh yeah? Name another one... [He doesn't even need to point out that Polar Ray is a Level Eight spell]
Verian: Um... one of the two uses of Fire Seeds.
Omit: That's why they have Monstrous Manual II, and now Monstrous Manual III. They have tons of new enemies which are more than able to deal with things like that, or whatever the players throw at them.
GM: Well I don't have those books, and I have to work from what I have, so that players have a good frame of reference for what they are up against.
Balcoth: But even the enemies you are using are designed for fighting parties with 10 hp per level Heal, more than once per day if needed.

Here lies one of the major sources of conflict; GM is quite open about allowing material from newer books - giving the players more options, as long as he retains a veto over any new spells/classes/races/feats. However, GM does not believe it is fair to expose players to enemies that do not conform to the ones they are familiar with, because totally unfamiliar opponents would make it difficult for them to make good decisions (which in itself conflicts with the goal of suppressing excessive "player knowledge"). However, because he expands his options much less than the players do, and has the additional constraints of putting together a story (so, for example, it is difficult to justify large numbers of psionic enemies, or all dragons or elementals, or even the various demons and devils which normally don't cohabitate). This, combined with certain balance changes which the players would accept as reasonable, even necessary, form the basis for a "slippery slope" where, as the players attained higher levels and gained new powers, the "adjustments" and bannings never stopped... The game never hit a stable balance level where GM was happy with it, and as a logical consequence of his quest for perfection, every spell or item or power removed or "nerfed" left a vacuum at the top, which was soon filled with another option which, with the change, became the new top of the pyramid, above-the-curve power, which the players would diligently discover and monopolize, beginning the process again. This was further compounded by those few things which GM deemed too powerful, but which were too integrated to be excised from his game; such as Balcoth's race (and prestige class). GM had already banned any future Dwarven Defenders, or Dwarves of any stripe, but it would not be appropriate to force Balcoth to change after all this time. And this percieved imbalance, to GM's mind, put the advantage even more squarely in the players' corner, forcing him to react even more aggressively to other problems, whilst the players felt pressed - forced to give up any semblance of whimsy or lassitude in their statistical decisions, because (in their eyes) GM's changes and his "engineered" enemies left no margin for error whatsoever. The players were even driven to overengineer their characters, making decisions based on backups (against suspected future "nerfs") and obfuscation (not lying or cheating on their characters, but rather, making design choices intended to de-emphasize their benefits and hopefully avoid drawing a ruling from GM).

Perhaps not the healthiest environment for everyone. Yet as Azheron pointed out, "If it wasn't fun, I wouldn't be going out of my way to keep coming."

GM: Look, the latest Heal change - once, per caster per target per day, is not up for debate. The past two suggested changes were shot down...
Azheron: I think Heal was fine the way it was.
GM: Just 7 per level?
Azheron: No, 10 per level.
GM: Well, we'll just hope that in time you see the beauty of my knowledge and logic.
Verian: More likely we'll all die, because the quality of healing spells (without proper Heal) is insufficient to keep up at this level.
GM: Okay, one last time: would you prefer the version of Heal that is a full-round action, or the current limit-per-day? Which would be your choice?
Balcoth: Might as well run over me.
Omit: Throw me in the oven.
Verian: The full-round cast-time version is usable only, specifically, by Umit with his bizarre freak build that gives his touch spells a 30 foot range. It would be butt useless to any normal cleric build, because of the touch range. Even if they got to the person who needed healing a round in advance (because they can't move more than 5 feet before a full-round-action), and they didn't get interrupted by casting within reach of enemies, they would get full-attacked and die the next turn.
GM: Then you guys are happier the way it is, so we can continue on. So you head down the tunnel. It soon becomes apparent that this is a volcanic tube of sorts - it is descending at a fairly steady rate, but as you progress it turns jagged, with all sorts on erratic ridges formed by rock There is a skeleton standing in the middle of the hall, holding out a large rolled-up scroll.
Balcoth: An undead skeleton? [Which makes a pretty big difference, compared to your run of the mill corpse]
GM: Yes, but it is unarmed, and makes no move to oppose you. But as you walk up to it, it reaches up and carefully unfurls the scroll. It is very old, brittle paper, but the skeleton handles it as carefully as it can, even then causing a couple of new cracks...
Balcoth: [Turning to Verian] Is it magical?
Verian: [Turning to GM, who has to adjudicate Rhaek's Arcane Sight] Do I see any magic?
GM: No, none.
Omit: But if there's a rune or something, it might be hidden.
Balcoth: So how do we read it without... oh whatever, I'll just read it. What language is it in?
GM: The first half of it is in common, in flawless caligraphy, but the second half is in a language that is not even remotely familiar. What languages does everyone speak?

[Each in turn we give the familiar rundown; Umit speaks Celestial and Infernal, Rhaek speaks Gith, Balcoth speaks Giant and Rikkon speaks the language of the Plane of Air; Auran. Those are just the weird ones, and there are a smattering of more common languages (Elven, Halfling, Goblin, etc) amongst the party members, and everyone speaks Dwarven... although three of them know it only through a power of their Belts of Dwarvenkind.]

GM: Nope, nobody can decypher anything from the bottom half. But the top half, in common, reads: "Doubtless, you are all experienced adventurers to have reached this point. I warn you that if you proceed further you will face an array of increasingly lethal traps, and I warn you of this, not for your protection, but because of the extreme expense of removing your corpses and resetting those traps. Please do not destroy the skeleton."

Balcoth: So this area is full of traps...
Azheron: We just need Omit [the player] to "log", and bring back Omit [the character].
Verian: Yeah, but then who would heal us? I'm good at efficiency/out-of-combat healing, but I don't cut it as a combat medic at these levels.
Balcoth: I'm gonna take the scroll.

Most online roleplaying games allow you to keep multiple characters in the same persistent world, which could enable you to log-out your current character, and the log- back in with one whose skill set is more useful for the situation. Of course, location is also persistent, so your second character might have to travel a prohibitively long time to get back to the party you just left, depending on where you were.

GM: The skeleton doesn't want to give you the scroll, it gingerly rolls it back up.
Balcoth: Okay, I smash it and take the scroll.
GM: [Sighs]
Azheron: The skeleton almost made it...
Verian: Not really. Umit would have smashed it no matter what.
Omit: [Nods sagely]
GM: [Sighs]
Verian: So, what are we going to do about the traps?
Azheron: We could always hire a rogue two-levels lower. He should be able to disarm most of the traps, and if he fails, we don't have to pay him. Plus, if he gets through all the traps, there's no way he could survive one fight, so he'll only steal his share of XP from one encounter.
Omit: AND that would be offset by our share of the XP from overcoming the traps.
GM: Yeah, good luck finding a hireling for a suicide mission guys.
Azheron: But you're always encouraging us to get NPCs!
Omit: It would give you a... er... roleplaying outlet... yeah...
Verian: Are there any big rocks or boulders in the hall?
GM: ...no... nothing of any size. It's basically just a lava tube. The sides are rough and pockmarked, but all the junk is pretty much attached to the walls.
Verian: I see. But you know, if the hallway keeps sloping down, we could roll like a boulder down to trigger off some of the traps.
Balcoth: I could carve a big round chunk of rock out of the walls with my axe.
GM: Adamantite or not, that would take quite a long time, even longer if you want it to be remotely round. And it would raise a hell of a lot of noise...

[When GM starts warning about the volume level of their plans, the players have learned (rightly or wrongly) to take this as a sign that they are on the right track. Which is probably not GM's intention.]

Omit: Well I could use Stone Shape to make a perfectly round boulder.
GM: I don't think that spell can be used to separate pieces out of the wall. I suppose you could make boulders that were tenuously attached and then cut them loose with the adamantine axe...
Omit: No, I can just make the boulders with Stone Shape. [On this occasion GM had the wrong idea about the spell, probably because its most common uses are quite different, and also because it is not a combat spell, and therefore not as critical from a rules perspective]
GM: Okay, so you make this big boulder. It's rolling away...
Balcoth: [Suddenly concerned... about his Experience Points] Wait; it could kill our next fight...
Azheron: So? We'd still have "overcome" the encounter, for XP purposes.
Omit: Hold on, let me finish. I make three round boulders, each five feet in diameter. Then we can hold them back.
Verian: ...and release them one-at-a-time, awesome, Omit.
GM: You can't just hold them back, they are REALLY heavy, and it's sloping downhill...
Balcoth: Hey, I can hold them... at least two of them. I'm strong...
Verian: He is pretty strong, and he has a lot of mass too, with his armor and all. My character can lend him moral support while he holds them back.

At this point, a friend wandered in from across the way, overhearing a bit of that discussion. His suggestion:

Friend1: Roll the dwarf!
Verian: That could actually work well, except for all the axe wounds we'd suffer...
Balcoth: Not gonna happen.
Omit: So we let one rock go.
GM: [Fairly resigned to "plan Random Destruction" at this point] Okay, the rock rolls and bounces out of view pretty rapidly. Although you can't see anything down the unlit tunnel, you hear the crashing and grinding sounds echoing up and down the shaft in an almost painful cacophony. Anything down there can probably hear the racket, even if they are miles of tunnels away.
Balcoth: Are we going to follow it down.
Verian: No, just let it roll. Then we have two more boulders to send down, and hopefully catch any survivors as they emerge after the first one. If the noise is really so loud and pervasive, they may not even realize it's coming from above and from below them.
Omit: Did we clear off the rough terrain?
GM: No! If anything, you've made it worse, with huge 5-foot-boulder divets in the floor, the walls, some places in the ceiling...
Balcoth: [With a terrifying thought] It'll crush our loot!
Verian: Nah. With the house rules, all magic items are repairable.
Azheron: Coins will survive... all we'd lose is art objects. We never use art objects anyway.
Verian: Has the sound stopped yet?
GM: No, it's a long way down.
Omit: Okay, release the next one.
Verian: Then hold the last one back...
Azheron: For what?
Omit: What is the purpose of another delay? I don't think it'll make much difference.
Verian: Okay, just give the second one enough of a headstart they don't get stuck then.
Balcoth: Okay, rocks away.
GM: Even more smashing, devastating ruckus. Unbelievably blatant and noisy rolling and crashing...
Balcoth: Now lets go investigate.
GM: You start making your way (through rough terrain) down the tunnel, following the path of devastation.
Omit: What else do we see?
GM: Dust, rock chips, crushed plot device, skeletons in bad armor, flat mummy...
Balcoth: I cut its head off. [Turns to Verian] Check for magic items with Arcane sight?
Verian: [Turns to GM] ...
GM: There are SO no magic items.
Balcoth: Do we get XP?
GM: No you don't get XP. The skeletons are nothing, and a single mummy isn't remotely a threat at your level, and I wouldn't give you XP for this even if it was!
Azheron: But we get experience for any traps we've overcome.
GM: You get nothing! Everything so far was minor stuff. Traps are expensive, so they were set up to be progressively more dangerous. That way they don't waste the really expensive ones on low-level scrubs who wander in.
Balcoth: No scrubs would have made it past that Elemental.
GM: [Adopting a slightly more distant tone, letting on that more thought was put into these things than simply placing challenges for the players] That Elemental was a relatively new addition...
Verian: Ooh, insider info.
Balcoth: We already know too much! The volcano goes off, roll new characters...
Azheron: You could survive the 20d6 per round for a little while. [Ed: yes, that's the damage you take for being immersed in lava]
Balcoth: [Trying to calculate the odds, factoring his hit points, fire resistance, etc.] I could take it for one-to-two rounds... no, two-to-three. Actually, three-to-four rounds.
Verian: [Now he's just throwing out numbers] ...or four-to-five rounds.
GM: As you descend further through the tunnel, you find that it is very slowly levelling out. It's getting hot down here.
Azheron: Hooray, volcano-base.
GM: The further along you go the hotter it gets... until it is hot enough to force your environmental Fortitude save.
Verian: I'll cast Mass Resist: Fire [This spell will help greatly against damage from fire-based attacks over the next couple hours, but doesn't actually protect from the "environmental" effects which threaten to 'fatigure' or 'exhaust' the heroes]
Omit: I have a couple Endure Elements. I'll cast it on Rikkon, and Rhaek. [This level 1, single-target spell in D&D 3.5 does protect against heat-exhaustion. He casts it, ironically, on the two arcane casters who don't have heavy metal armor. This is because Umit himself and Balcoth have much higher Fortitude saves, and should be able to withstand long periods in the area, with Balcoth's survival skills and Endurance feat more than counteracting the penalties from his heavy metal armor]
GM: That's good, because as you continue further, you are soon into the level of heat that begins to inflict actual damage - or would, if you weren't all Resistant. An orangey light up ahead reveals the source of the heat. You finally reach the entrance to a larger cavern, lit brightly from below by open, molten lava...
Azheron: Actually, if it's underground, it's called magma.
GM: [Not so appreciatively] Thank you, Azheron. So this chamber is filled with lava up to a level around ten-feet below the floor you are standing on...
Omit: [Suddenly a little concerned] Is it rising?
GM: No, the level of the lava seems fairly stable, although it is bubbling and sloshing around as you might expect of molten lava. As I was saying, though, right ahead of you there is a massive stone bridge across the lava pit to a huge iron double-door on the other side.
Verian: How wide is the bridge?
GM: Huh? It's twenty feet wide. It's a big solid thing, looks very sturdy as far as you can tell. Here, let me draw out the room on the-
Balcoth: [Interrupting him with a revelation] No! Four-to-five rounds!

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Excerpt #34

GM drew out the room on the printed grid of the erasable battle map. The players were at the mouth of the tunnel, and before them stretched a twenty-foot-wide, well-supported, solid stone bridge. The roiling lava (sorry, magma) beneath it stretched out to the natural cavern walls, about 20 feet to the bridge's left, and curving around 40 or 50 feet to the right of the bridge (actually curving back a little ways past the tunnel opening where the players stood). The ceiling was thirty feet high relative to the bridge - forty feet high relative to the molten floor of the chasm, and (as GM pointed out on the map), there was a vertical tunnel (lava tube) extending upwards, centred above the larger side of the lava pit. The bridge (as was emphasized, questioned and re-emphasized), looked more than sturdy, but the one thing that marred it was a 5-foot diameter boulder lodged (about a foot deep) into the rising arch. Another boulder was barely protruding above the surface of the magma down below, and the third boulder, being absent, must have been fully subsumed by the molten rock. Finally, across the bridge lay the imposing iron double-doors which were obviously the focus of the room.

The players took their time analyzing this situation, and for once GM couldn't blame them, although he did remind them that Umit and Balcoth (the characters NOT protected by Umit's Endure Elements spells) would have to make saves against heat-exhaustion for every 5 minutes of in-game time. Once (reasonably) satisfied as to the sturdiness of the bridge, and that the room contained no magic auras that Rhaek could see, the players were almost ready to advance, but they were still fairly certain that there was a trap, that enemies would descent from the volcanic chimney in the ceiling, and apart from all that, they were made uneasy by the thought of a battle so close to all this lava. Being immersed in lava results in 20d6 fire damage per round, but just being within 5 feet of it is enough to deal 10d6 fire damage, and all of this is with no-saving-throw. The gently curved surface of the bridge was well out of that damage-dealing-zone, but everyone knew how much GM would love to bull-rush, telekinesis, or otherwise shove players off the bridge to their deaths. Not instant death from full health, especially with Rhaek's Mass Resist spells protecting each character from the first 30 fire damage from any source, but still lethal enough that saving anyone who fell in would probably cost the entire team at least one action each and one of Umit's higher level healing spells.

Omit: Okay, Balcoth? Take your axe and chop the boulder so it has legs.
Balcoth: What?
Azheron: Give the boulder legs?
Omit: Give it four legs and I'll animate is, charge it across the bridge and have it ram the door.
Verian: [Doesn't sound totally thrilled] ...and try to trigger off any traps...
Balcoth: ...oooooo-kay... even though it's strange, I guess I'll carve some stubby little legs.
Omit: So I'll animate my boulderling...
Balcoth: Wait! Before you animate it, I'll whittle "Hi" into it with my axe.
GM: You actually have Animate Object memorized, Omit?
Omit: Yes. I keep lots of weird spells memorized in my mid level slots.
GM: Does Balcoth know that's a sixth level spell that could be turned into healing?
Omit: [Eyes darting suspiciously from one side to the other] I animate the boulder...

Thus animate, the boulder (looking rather ungainly on its stubby rough-hewn legs) acted as a creature under the cleric's control, with stats based on its size and the material from which it was made (rock being pretty tough). It stood up out of the foot deep divet it had made in the bridge, and on Umit's mental command, it charged forward like a big round hornless rhino and rammed the heavy iron doors (leaving a shallow boulder-shaped impression, with a faint, barely visible backwards "Hi" embossed therein). Nothing happened. Just in case, the players stayed back in the cave mouth (an easily defensible position from which it would be REALLY difficult to knock them into the lava) while Umit had it run across every square of the bridge to check for pressure triggers or structural weakness, then rammed the door a couple more times for good measure before the players were confident in the lack of traps. Rikkon flew up, and Rhaek (protected by both the Endure and Resist spells) walked up the wall and across the hot ceiling, but both of them stayed directly over the bridge just in case, following up above as Balcoth and Umit walked across the bridge.

Only when we were halfway across did a Fire elemental rise up out of the lava and hit Omit for some damage, then an Air elemental blew down out of the vertical tunnel and hit Azheron for some more damage, while we heard a sound behind us that sounded suspiciously like an Earth elemental collapsing the tunnel the way we came. After a brief round of complaints about this looking a whole lot like a trap that should have been triggered by the boulder (while we were in an easily defended position NOT near the lava), Azheron had Rikkon cast Orb of Ice at the Fire elemental, which not only suffered a horrendous 39 damage + 50% more because it is weak against cold, but it actually failed the easy subsidiary save and was thus blinded for one round. Verian's predictable first move was to have Rhaek cast greater invisibility and run away, in this case walking across the ceiling above the lava pit. Then the some of the elementals were up to bat again, their previous actions having been only a surprise round. The Earth elemental popped out of the ground and, reaching over the animated boulder, it tried to strike an Awesome Blow against Omit...

GM: [Shaking his head] It rolled horribly and missed from the -4 [Ed: The Awesome Blow monster feat allows an attack to be made at -4, such that if successful it launches the target backwards]

While Omit tried to figure out how to get out of the elementals' 15-foot reach, the Fire elemental, swinging blindly, scored a very lucky hit on Balcoth with one of its attacks. Even so, the fire portion of its damage was totally negated by the party's Resistance buff, and the physical portion was further reduced by Balcoth's DR, such that the net damage was rendered utterly trivial. Overall, these were a lesser grade of elemental than the powerful one we fought earlier - three of them are not an unreasonable fight, although they are FAR more dangerous with the party surrounded on the lava-spanning bridge. Omit, though he looked very relieved at that last miss, was still a little panicked at the likelyhood of being knocked flying off the bridge into the boiling 20d6 damage below. It was at this point that we became aware of some confusion about Azheron's flying altitude:

Azheron: You said the ceiling was 40 feet up.
GM: Forty feet from the lava, only thirty feet up from the bridge.
Azheron: Oh. That would have been nice to know...
GM: I already had to remind Verian.
Azheron: Well had I known that I would have moved... [Since the 15 foot tall Fire elemental on the bridge would be able to reach him, and would un-blind on Azheron's next turn, allowing it to make an attack of opportunity if he then moves.]
GM: Oh well ...Die.
Omit: I'm going to cast prayer. And while the Fire elemental is still blind, I'm going to move this way around the Earth elemental.
GM: Okay, it gets an attack of opportunity as you move through its threatened squares.
Omit: Yeah...
GM: And it hits...
Omit: D'OH!
GM: [Mockingly] Well, you're welcome to make Tumble checks... except it's a trained-only skill.
Omit: I have it. [It's one of the reasons Umit has speed-enhancing boots and only wears light armor]
GM: Well you've already moved.
Omit: Then why did you suggest I make my Tumble checks...
GM: [Sarcastic] Okay, you can take them... if you move half speed [Ed: a requirement for tumbling; either that or a HUGE penalty on the rolls]... no wait, you already KNOW they hit!

[GM was a little annoyed that Omit had taken his jest seriously (whether or not Omit was himself being serious). Taking back actions after finding out that you are hit isn't exactly kosher, so Omit took his lumps from the attack of opportunity and kept moving. Not a big deal to anyone involved, but it just goes to show how easily things can get confused. The fact that none of us (usually) gets mad from little incidents like that is one of the good things about our group.]

After Umit commanded his "boulderling" to maneuver between him and the enemy and the Earth elemental and to attack it (to relatively little effect), Balcoth began edging towards the Earth elemental with his free 5-foot step. But since only the Fire elemental (harmless though it seemed to him) was in full-attack range, he pounded it mercilessly, beating it down. Then the Air elemental got a rare opportunity to full-attack one of the more fragile player-characters (all of whom normally move-then-cast religiously to avoid such an afront):

GM: Okay Azheron, the Air Elemental hits AC 29... no, Prayer makes it 28... no, 29, from its Air Mastery power. Does that hit?
Azheron: Yes.
GM: [Rolling the second attack] 30?
Azheron: Yes. [Obviously]
GM: 15... and 14...
Azheron: [With a bit of a smirk] No, those miss.
GM: No, those are the damage rolls.
Azheron: I know.

Air elementals aren't nearly as damaging as their land-bourne counterparts, and so Rikkon took the damage alright, although with the surprise round attack, she was getting down to about half HP. Azheron blasted the Fire elemental with another Ice Orb spell and not only did is suffer atrocious damage again (due to it's cold-vulnerability) but it managed to fail the relatively easy save and become blind again. This time Azheron moved away over the lava (high above it, obviously). The Earth elemental couldn't line up a good angle to knock Umit off the bridge, and the boulder was granting Umit cover, so it tried to inflict some harm on Balcoth (relatively harmlessly). On Umit's next action he attempted to send the Earth elemental to its home dimension in a single action, casting Dismissal, but elementals have a lot of hit-dice relative to their CR, and it was able to withstand the banishment spell. Verian, already invisible, ceiling-crawled over to the mephling's new position and cast Greater Invisibility on her as well, minimalizing any risk the Azheron would get beat down into danger-levels by the one elemental able to reach his flying character.

GM: Okay, the Fire elemental [Ed: still blind] attempts to hit the boulder. No, it misses. That Fire elemental has rolled more ones.... it rolled a one for EVERY save, AND some ones on its attacks...
Azheron: It wouldn't matter if it hit now; it can't hurt Balcoth, and it doesn't really matter whether or not it beats up Omit's crappy sixth-level spell.
Omit: Hey, that sixth-level spell has eaten several attacks, helped block off enemy movement, and it tested the bridge and door for traps...
Verian: It's still strange that it didn't trigger the encounter when you sent it to attack the door. This would have been MUCH easier from back there... [Points to tunnel mouth on map]
GM: Hmm, that's a good point, I didn't think of it... it may well have triggered the trap...
Verian: [Now he's gone... he can't even comprehend this admission] Didn't think of it??? That was the whole point! The reason he cast the spell was to trigger whatever Fire elemental or other stuff was going to attack anyone crossing the bridge or attacking the door!!! [The party had actually been expecting a single Fire elemental of the same calibre as the first Earth elemental in the cave]

[The battle continues on. GM, while apologetic, doesn't see it as a real issue because the elemental trio were so fabulously ineffective in his eyes, but Verian is still exploding (not normally his style) over the combination of the error, the fact that the players had successfully thought their way around a problem and got stuck fighting it anyway, and the amount of fourth level and higher spells (like two of his Greater Invis castings and Umit's level six spell slot) they had expended that wouldn't have been necessary if fighting in the tunnel.]

Explosions aside, Balcoth pretty much cleaved the badly frosted Fire elemental as he started brutalizing the Earth elemental. Even the boulder got in some more damage before Azheron finished it with another Ice Orb (although no bonus damage against Earth-boy). Then everyone switched focus to the Air elemental, which ended up descending and battling the dwarf while the invisible casters (aware that Air elementals are in the Player's Handbook's "Ability Scores" section as the example of extreme dexterity) eschewed their "to-hit-roll" spells, switching gears to Magic Missile and Empowered Magic Missile spells. Combined with Balcoth's skillful axe-murdering techniques, it was blasted away in a couple rounds.

After a little postcombat healing, the players (half of whom still had to deal with escalating heat-exhaustion saves every 5 minutes) assessed their options. The way back was in fact collapsed... it was uncertain how long it would take to clear the blockage, but if it took more than 10 or 20 minutes there was a reasonable chance that Umit and/or Balcoth would become Fatigued (suffering penalties that could only be removed by resting), and then beyond that, Exhausted (really NASTY penalties that are similarly difficult to remove). Before resorting to tunneling, we checked the iron doors. They seemed immovable, and we weren't in a position to fumble around, so Azheron cast Disintegrate to clear many cubic feet of door and anything unfortunate enough to occupy the space behind that door. Unfortunately, that space beyond the foot-thick iron door was filled with rock. The doors were merely a decoy to lure adventurers onto the bridge. Thus, the only choices were to excavate the entrance tunnel, or to head upwards along that vertical lava tube in the ceiling.

Now, fights at our level take a long time, as a rule, and so we ended the session here. The next week when we all got sitting down and ready to go, we started off with yet another discussion of the Goad Feat which would make it possible to "taunt" enemies onto oneself in a fashion more akin to "tank" characters in MMO games. And by "oneself" I mean Balcoth's self, since he's the only one who wants the feat. One of his main peeves (in the game) is when an enemy who can't even hope to harm the dwarf focuses on his weaker allies, and there is nothing he can do (short of finishing off the monster) to get it off them. Goad's function is to let the character make a check with his Intimidate skill VS the enemy's Will saving throw in order to force that enemy to direct all its hostile, targetted actions at the goading character (rather than his allies) for one round.

GM: We'll try it out for a while. Thanks to my infinite generosity...
Balcoth: It's not generous. I see it as moving closer to fair.
GM: [He puts up with a lot of... comments... but sometimes it really gets to him] Hold on; I strongly object to being characterized as unfair. What have I done to deserve this, and the endless barrage of other slights?
Balcoth: [He doesn't say this in a mean way, except that he does not sound remotely apologetic about the characterization] There have been a lot of mistakes.
GM: It's been a long campaign! It's inevitable that over such a long time, some errors have occurred... occasionally...
Balcoth: I will admit that the frequency of mistakes has gone down since we started auditing you.
GM: What? What do you mean by audit?
Balcoth: We say "What, are you crazy?", and you realize you were wrong, and a mistake is averted.
GM: [Who can rarely be accused of "realizing he was wrong"] When has this happened? On what occasion?
Balcoth: Like when you wanted to keep track of our hit points.
GM: I liked that idea...
Balcoth: But we didn't, and the mistake was avoided.
GM: I would still like to do it that way - I think it would add a lot to the experience. The main reason I didn't is that Verian pointed out to me what the end result would be.
Balcoth: [To Verian] Good work.
Azheron: What end result?
GM: You guys would all be sneaking around... leaving dead-drops in the kitchen. That you guys would consider it fun to circumvent my perfectly reasonable measures, and eventually you'd all each track everyone's hit points, which would defeat the purpose.
Omit: I already track everyone's hit points.
GM: So I let that go, but now down to the point: from now on, I want all talk around the table to be done in character.
Balcoth: What? [There is a general chorus of discontent and skepticism]
GM: While we are playing, everything is said in character, and use each other's character names rather than your real names.
Balcoth: So when we have to go to the bathroom, we announce "Oh mighty GM, my bowels are full"
GM: Obviously occasional real-life concerns might interfere, but everything relating to the game must be done in-character, using each other's character's names.
Verian: Oh yeah, that's going to last... even if we wanted to, we'd forget and use real names in no time.
GM: Probably, which is why I made everyone nametags with their character names. Here, Omit, hand these out...
Omit: [Not handing out anything] So all of a sudden we're 4-year-olds? And you're the teacher?
Balcoth: We're not wearing nametags.
GM: There's no need to overreact...
Verian: There's no need for nametags.
Azheron: [Though always quietly in favor of more roleplaying, this wasn't his idea of it] We know each other's character names.
GM: Of course you do. Certainly Balcoth knows all your names... [Fixes a penatrating glare on Balcoth]
Balcoth: [Put on the spot] ...Umit ...Rhaek ...and... Rikkon. [He doesn't rhyme them off as quickly as the other would have, and was probably helped a lot by reading old D&D Excerpts here, but he does know them all]
GM: Good. But I really think the nametags will help, so if Omit will just pass them around...
Balcoth: Useless...
Omit: So we're 4-year-olds now.
Azheron: [GM hands the Rikkon nametag to Azheron, who is furthest from Omit anyway] Well, 4-year-olds can't read... maybe 6-year olds...
GM: Don't Azheron, just don't...
Azheron: [Stops halfway through folding the paper nametag into a paper airplane] What? It's to help it stand up.
Balcoth: Let's just get started.
GM: Okay, put on the nametags and we'll get started.

[SCENE MISSING]

About an hour later, we got back to actually playing again. Sans-nametags. Not liking the looks of the vertical shaft, the players have decided to secure an exit first, by clearing the hall (leaving and cooling off) before returning to investigate the upper extend of the lava tubes. So everyone starts moving rocks, meaning of course that Balcoth cuts and moves rubble at an impressive pace while the other three together try do as much work, combined, as one strong peasant would have done. Without a safe place to rest, and not knowing how far they need to dig, they withhold any further Disintegrate spells which might be needed for other things. GM suggests that the adamantine-axe part of the rubble-clearing process is producing a copious amount of noise, so we figure we're making pretty good progress.

Clattering echo after echo rang out as Balcoth's axe split rock, then split it again, then a third time. The sound paused, and only the low, mostly subsonic background rumble of the molten lava could be heard as the dwarf leaned over and pulled down the chunks with his metal gauntlets, tossing them into a pile at the side. He didn't know how far down the tunnel was collapsed by that blasted elemental, and the priests claimed they didn't have the right spells memorized to ask a higher power. Which was fine with Balcoth, at the moment. The fewer "higher powers" took notice of him, the better, as far as he was concerned. Still, he'd like to know how far he had left to dig...

The lava behind him was hot. It seems fairly obvious, but it bears mention as a constant, all-pervasive heat. The entire cavern was like an oven, and only the his Ring of Fire Resistance was preventing his skin from blistering and cooking within his armor. Even so he was sweating and the work, which Balcoth could normally keep up at this level for hours, was wearing him down absurdly. Umit (whose armor weighed not a quarter as much as Balcoth's adamantite) looked even worse for wear, while Rhaek and Rikkon looked utterly unconcerned, thanks to the Umit's selfless applications of his last extra heat wards. And the fact that they weren't doing much work. Rhaek, walking across the ceiling crouched down - er, up - to get closer to the rock wall at the top, and was picking away some of the lighter stones at the top, trying to find any crack through which he could see, with his darkvision, how far they had to go. He leaned forward even further into the acute angle where the debris met the ceiling, splayed into an inversed low-to-the-ground position, holding his black-blindfolded eyes as close as he could get to a likely niche.

"Why do yeh have to be so bloody weird all the time?" Balcoth didn't normally take breaks when there was work to do (most particularly because he was always the one doing at least ninety-percent of that work), but the heat was spurring him to uncommon heights of laziness. Just a short breather... Rhaek, not seeing anything but more rock, extracted himself from his position, spinning himself around on one hand, flat to the ceiling, before standing straight down with a gravity-assisted ease that would be near-impossible if he were standing from the ground-up.

"Who, me?", he looked down through his blindfold. Not sweating at all, because he was lucky enough to have received one of those wards, from Umit. Because he probably couldn't stomach heat like this for more than a minute or two.

"Obviously. Why always to ceiling, or the walls? Why can't you walk on the ground like a normal person?"

"The element of surprise sometimes, sometimes just for a better view, or to spread out from the group of us. Or just because it's something not everyone can do." It was hard to hear him over the constant churning of molten stone, but the strange wizard refused to raise his voice. Balcoth put his axe back to work, choping at the bigger boulders now, but he kept talking between strikes to keep him mind off the oppressive warmth, endeavering to talk over the rumbling.

"They could, if they had that cloak of yours. And what about the eyes? I know they glow, which is weird enough, but why that silly mask all the time. You have better disguises; I've seen 'em." The heat must have been starting to addle the dwarf, because that last bit almost came out as a compliment. That wasn't right...

"I think the "blind man" suits me. But who is normal? I've travelled a lot, in and out of Sigil, and the one thing I've found that we all have in common is differences. Look at Rikkon."

"Oh, thanks," she replied. As the other recipient of Umit's heat-protection, the pretty mephling was also oblivious to the temperature, but she had long since given up her own token attempts to help clear the wall. She was hovering back and forth over the same couple feet of airspace, fidgetting the way she tended to when there was no action, and no clear path to the open skies. Though not a claustrophobe (or she would have been forced out of this line of work long ago), Rikkon still felt uneasy underground. She looked longingly at the hole in the ceiling above the large pool of magma. "I still say we'd be better checking out that chimney. This rubble could be twenty, even forty feet deep, and Balcoth's already melting in here."

"Nonsense!", he protested, a little too vigorously to sound altogether believable. He raised his fist "This adamantite'll melt before I will! Besides," he continued, turning back to Rhaek, "she's just the way she was born. Blue skin... wings... all that's normal for her kin. It's no more weird than my not-being-lazy, or Umit's height, or that Xeph-running-thing you do. Nah, when I say yer weird, it's cause you've chosen to be weird."

"I suppose I'd be hard-pressed to argue that sensitive and open-minded view." Rhaek grinned. "So, what exactly is the dwarven word for this admirable not-being-lazy quality you describe?"

"Dwarf", Balcoth answed, without missing a beat. He struck a few powerful whacks in a row, the third of which cleaved a large untouched rock right in two, but even split in two, the rock remained securely wedged in the wall. He paused again, turning to Umit. "I almost wish yer black sheep brother Omit were here. Cause the other two'd be sweating like us, and he'd just whip out a scroll that'd move this wall, or let us walk right through it, or whatever."

Umit, who had been dutifully moving aside the smaller rocks split by Balcoth, continued working even as he spoke, and as he sweated. "Oh, Omit isn't the black sheep in our family. I've kept my eye on him, over the years. You'd be surprised how much good one can do, simply by example... No, the black sheep is our sister. She spent too much time in Menzobarranzen, and being rejected by them - just as she had been by everyone else - did her no good."

"Menzobarranzen?" objected Rikkon, "What the devil made her think that she'd be welcome amidst the most xenophobic elves in the planes?"

"That is what I tried to tell her," Umit wheezed, heaving aside another rock, "But having been rejected her entire life just for being half-Drow, she believed they of all people would accept her, and it took even the Drow themselves almost a year to finally convince her otherwise. She was lucky to get out before ending up in some slave-pit."

Balcoth stopped in midswing, instinctively trying to wipe the sweat from his brow in a gesture rendered utterly ineffective by his metal gauntlets and armored visor. "Umit: you have an 'alf-dark-elf 'alf-sister? And you're all human, and Omit was... 'alf-whatever... I take it back, Rhaek. You aren't the weird one any more."


GM: Everyone, make a Listen check, DC 25.
Balcoth: [Doesn't reach for his dice] Twenty-five... [Out of the party, Rhaek can probably make that on a 20 or something, while Umit has only a slightly better chance. Nobody succeeds.]
GM: It would be 15, but its +10 difficulty from the noise of Balcoth working. You're all grouped together, so you all get hit by four Lightning Bolts, Reflex DC 16, for 26 damage... then 19... 18... and 29 damage. Now roll initiative.

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Excerpt #35

The dull orange-red illumination rising from below, around the bridge, was overlapped and supplanted in an instant by abrasive neon-white flashes as a series of bifurcating arcs of electricity rained down from the ceiling of the cavern - each one splitting and dividing along its line, but all the lines converging from several points-of-origin into the shallow length of tunnel between the bridge and the cave-in. The first two lightning bolts painted the heroes silhouettes on the fallen rocks, before they all leapt into action. Umit rolled sideways and his ring deflected the next lightning behind him, while Rikkon flew up into the corner to find partial cover, Rhaek crawled along the ceiling into the corner opposite, just beneath the overhang to where he could almost see the enemies, and Balcoth turned to face them, his sheild circling him though the air to leap from his back into his hand.

Looking up for the source of the attack they saw two pairs of large spiders crawling upside down along the ceiling near the vertical shaft, but where a spider would have a head, each of them had the upright torso of a bald, blackskinned elf like some kind of demented spider-centaur. Each was moving its hands and lips and continuing the lightning-casting.

"Freaks!" shouted Balcoth, lifting off the stone floor as he activated his boots of flying.

"Driders, actually," said Umit, before he cast a powerful healing spell, a softer glow filling the alcove and washing over the other heroes to counterract the nerve damage and electric burns. "My sister said to stay away from them."

"Half-sister," corrected Rikkon, showing she'd been paying attention. The mephling was moving her hands deliberately in a repeating pattern, sort of half-casting a spell over-and-over so that she could complete it more rapidly as soon as she saw an opening...

"Oh, REALLY? Well I'm glad she made such good use of her time in that Hell-hole Drow city", Balcoth spit out, sarcastically, before moving to attack.

Without the old Omit character, initiative is no longer a guarantee for us (even though Umit, the cleric, still took the feat for a +4). So compounding upon the "ambush round" (as the players described it), one of the four driders was able to dump a fifth lightning bolt into the party before any action could be taken.

Azheron: Oh joy. Well, another great ambush...
GM: Okay, seriously guys, it was four driders. Their CR is way below your level... this hardly even counts as a fight under the system.
Azheron: Four, attacking from ambush with AoE spells, which are basically automatic damage on anyone without Evasion.
GM: Yes, with their odeous Listen check DCs... [of 25]
Omit: I cast a Domain Mass-Cure-Mod for 36 [This hits the entire party, and umit's prestige class power Maximizes all his Healing Domain castings]
GM: Azheron, are you dead?
Azheron: No.
GM: Well, how do you guys look?

[Many awkward glances are exchanged. GM knows that his players are honest about their hit points - at least, he can guarantee that they keep track properly (including a lot of point-fives because of GM's anti-rounding policy), and will immediately announce with loud complaints or bitterness when they are reduced to zero or less (unconscious) or fall below the dreaded negative-nine mark (dead). As such, he rarely asks for precise hit-point counts, and even now he demanded only a qualitative description. On the other hand, the players were very wary of this, because they knew (and could on occasion get him to admit) that if GM saw a player within "death-range", he would most often focus the monsters on finishing them.]

Balcoth: That was nothing.
Azheron: I'm fine now.
Verian: I looked pretty beat-up, but after the heal I'm fine. I was rolling your quality saves.
GM: [Skeptical] Really?
Verian: Well I managed to fail three out of the five saving throws, which is very statistically unlikely, since according to odds I should only have failed approximately one-and-a-half of the five rolls.
Balcoth: I activate my boots of flying and move over here. [He repositions his model, but stays over the bridge; facing spellcasting opponents, he is very concerned about his flight being dispelled over the lava... and inconveniently, the roof-walking demi-spiders seemed intent on standing directly over the middle of the large molten pool]
Verian: I can Mass Resist: Electricity.
GM: [Referencing the Driders' skill list to check their Spellcraft] ...oh, they're not geniuses...

Having failed to identify the spell, a Drider casts another Lightning bolt, this time to no effect whatsoever. Azheron, who had readied his action against enemy spellcasting, lets that one go unopposed, but as the next drider catches on to the electrical ward and tries to cast Magic Missile instead, the mephling interrupts it with a Fireball hitting all four targets.

Azheron: The "Warmage Counterspell"...
Omit: I cast Mass-Cure-Light-Wounds.
Balcoth: [Sounding less-thrilled than you might expect] Well, I'm full-healed again.
Omit: Good.
Balcoth: That was so unnecessary.
Omit: [Looking around for some kind of killing implement] Give me a baseball bat...
Verian: Some of us don't mind the healing... that first one was REALLY important.
GM: The next drider AoE-Dispels the Resist Electricity from all of you.
Balcoth: [Now even more concerned about losing his flight over the 20d6-per-round fire-damage of the lava] How many times can they do that?
Omit: Only once per day.
GM: [Throws Omit a wild-eyed stare, and seems on the verge of following that up with some less-abstract projectiles]
Omit: Umit's sister is half-Drow. [Although unlike the driders, her other half would then have to be human, rather than spider]
GM: [Omit's weirdness temporarily deflecting his homicidal player-knowledge-inspired rage] You have a half-Drow sister now?
Omit: Yes.
Balcoth: [Biting the hand that heals him] You're a freakshow... Whatever, I draw my bow. [He can't melee opponents on the ceiling if he can't risk flying over to them, so he switches to the much less optimal ranged weapon]

With the Resistance dispelled, the Driders switch back to their at-will lightning bolts. Even though their caster level is very low for the level three spell, it is clearly their best attack mode. Since the party is now spread out, rather than aim for multiple characters they focus their fire on the most blatant magic user, Rikkon.

GM: Hmm, no way I could hit more than one of you, eh?
Omit: If you get on the ground here, he could line up and hit three of us.["Here" as indicated by Omit, was suspiciously close to Balcoth]
GM: Yeah, no ground-based plans... his INT is low, but...
Azheron: Does he have a nametag?
Balcoth: Well why don't they attack me? I'm closest to them....
GM: You don't shoot spells or dispel them, you haven't done anything to them at all, you put away your axe and got out a bow. They mock you in undercommon.
Azheron: Oh yeah, after all the times you bitched at us for not having ranged weapons?
Balcoth: [Paraphrasing GM quotes] "You're good with a bow... with your fighter Base-Attack..."
Verian: And the innumerable times you wanted Verian Seth to get a crossbow for those turns when he was saving power points, even though he'd be a quarter as effective with it as Balcoth is with his bow?
Omit: I'll sling that one twice...
Balcoth: [Shaking his head slowly in disappointment] Man...
Omit: I have these sling stones... got to use them.
Balcoth: No, you don't!

The driders had a lot of hitpoints for their Challenge Rating (possibly modified with better feats and less Alertness), but they were still lower-level foes, and after a second fireball from Rikkon they started dropping to her and Rhaek's inexpensive single-target spells (MM and Scorching Ray), and another one to [SHUDDER] sling fire and one of Balcoth's arrows. And dropping literally... into the lava. The fourth one cast invisibility and tried to flee... but its escape route was too predictable... Azheron cast a last fireball up the ceiling shaft and was rewarded with one last flaming corpse.

GM: Well, I suppose I have to give out XP...
Balcoth: Is there any loot?
GM: No.
Verian: Well, what did they have on them? I thought they have hand-crossbows; those are crap but they're worth a lot.
GM: It doesn't matter because when they died they lost their hold on the ceiling and dropped into the lava.
Azheron: How convenient.
GM: First off, it turns out that I gave out way too much XP for that last battle. I accidentally counted those elementals as a higher category, which they obviously weren't, so each of you will have to deduct 750 experience that was extra from before. Now you each get 488 XP, times four... divided by four for the four of you.
Azheron: So 488 each.
GM: Right, so for this fight you guys each lose 262 XP because of the extra I accidentally gave out.

There is a lot of non-specific grumbling as the players make the adjustment.

GM: [His enthusiasm seems inverse to theirs] I like that; I'm gonna start giving out extra XP on purpose so I can take it away.
Azheron: That's fine, because when you over-report, some of us might level early.
GM: Then I could DE-level people! [Maniacal laugh]
Verian: So what are we going to do now?
Balcoth: It could take a long time to cut through the cave-in, since I'm the only one with an adamantite weapon.
GM: And your next [cumulative heat exhaustion] save is coming up soon.
Omit: I've got an adamantite mace... and a cold-iron mace, and a silver mace.
Balcoth: Really? That's friggin weird...
GM: [Trying to stir up trouble] You should ask Omit how much those three maces cost... especially since they've never been used.
Azheron: I don't know, he may have mashed potatoes with one, or something...
Omit: I just wanted to have some melee weapons.
Verian: Or, the other possibility is that we could just try to progress up the shaft...
Omit: I thought you didn't like that idea.
Verian: Well I think it's extremely dangerous to be forced to continue considering how much of our resources we've used - particularly all the extra resources that were wasted by not letting us pre-trigger those elementals...
GM: I already apologized for overlooking that, what more do you want?
Verian: But we can't stay here and risk Balcoth being Exhausted by the heat, because that would cripple us in most fights, and we have no idea how long it will take to get through the rockfall. If we go up now, and get out of saving-throw range of the heat, we should still be capable of doing one fight and maybe surviving one rest-fight. Or maybe we could find a place up there that's suitable to wall-off and hide so we could rest away from the heat.
Azheron: Well, if he's going to send an AoE-ambush every five minutes, we should definitely get out of here.
GM: What makes you think I'd send a fight every five minutes?
Balcoth: We worked for five minutes, then got ambushed.
Omit: "He who forgets the past is forever doomed to repeat it."
GM: [Changes the subject, deciding that he'll never get a rational response to his liking] How many hit points do you have, Azheron?
Balcoth: [Careful to control the flow of information] Full.
Azheron: Mmm? Yeah, full.
GM: And how many is that?
Azheron: More than before I leveled...
GM: Which is?
Azheron: Eight more.
GM: Seventy-ish? Eighty?
Azheron: Somewhere around there... little more... [Actually, because Warmages are on d6s, and because Rikkon wears a Belt of Dwarvenkind, it's closer to a hundred, which is why she's still alive]

The heroes flew, levitated and spiderclimbed over the roiling magma to the vertical shaft and advanced upward, finding that the lava tube corkscrewed upwards so unpredictably that at times they found themselves descending before rising again. They travelled upwards through this geological nightmare for almost an hour, mostly using their methods of vertical travel, since traditional climbing and walking might have taken twice or three times as long. They finally reached a branching between a much less erratic horizontal tunnel, and another tube leading in the other direction at a 45-degree angle. Neither side showed any sign of the heat present from whence they came, so they chose the level tunnel just because it seemed easier. The terrain was still difficult at first, but rapidly became smoother and more passable, until it had become more like a rough horizontal mineshaft, and sure enough, there were skeletal workers hacking at the wall with rusty old tools, chipping off rock in search of onyx (judging by the contents of their ore buckets). This makes sense because onyx is an relatively expensive material component used in some basic necromancy spells (even the prototypical Animate Dead). This got Balcoth's attention:

Balcoth: How much Onyx is there?
GM: Not much, they are mindless - they're not very good miners.
Balcoth: So, like, how much money's worth?
GM: There's no more than five gold pieces' worth in each bucket.
Omit: Oh well, I smash the skeleton.
GM: Okay, you crush its skull.
Balcoth: I'll take its bucket.
GM: ...oooo-kay...

Advancing down the onyx mine tunnel, Umit obeyed the tenets of Pelor by dutifully re-deadifying every undead skeleton they passed. And since we were passing through anyway, Balcoth picked up each bucket too. By about the fourth bucket, it was quite apparent that his motives weren't "evidence"-related, nor did they speak to any lack of water-vessels on the dwarf's copious equipment list.

GM: What are you trying to do?
Balcoth: I'm taking the onyx.
GM: There's plenty more where that came from. This facility is being worked by undead - for all you know it could have been in operation for centuries - you aren't going to meaningfully restrict their supply at this point.
Balcoth: I know.
GM: The mining, and the ore buckets are just a plot device.
Verian: True. However you implied that each plot device had a gold piece value.
Balcoth: They're just sitting here, with like 5 gp-worth of onyx in each bucket. I have a portable hole.
GM: The buckets are full of rough, unprocessed ore - just rock chipped out of the wall. There's onyx in it, but most of the weight is junk. For every fifty pounds of rock...
Balcoth: [Interrupting] We're already wasting too much time on this. I don't care anymore...
GM: [Repeating himself slowly] For every fifty pounds of rock...
Balcoth: Let's just move on...
GM: [Repeating himself slowly] For every fifty pounds of rock...
Balcoth: [Increasingly irritated] I don't care anymore!
GM: [Repeating himself slowly] For every fifty pounds of rock, there's only an average of five gold worth of pure onyx to be extracted.
Balcoth: [SIGH] Whatever. [Turning to Omit] "Lead on, mighty..." What's your name again? Timo?
GM: Ah, you'd know if you had nametags!
Balcoth: I'm intelligent enough, I don't need stupid tags.
GM: And yet... [Trails off obviously]

They continued on further, Umit still smashing the helpless skeletal miners, but no more of the weight-inefficient pails were collected. Suddenly:

GM: A five-foot-tall humanoid appears, tries to punch Omit in the head, then disappears.
Balcoth: What's he look like?
GM: A vampire. Make a DC 22.5 DC...
Verian: You can't have half-DCs.
GM: DC 22.5 Fortitude save...
Verian: You can't have half-DCs.
GM: [Sighs, loathing the need to round off] DC 22 Fortitude save, and then a DC 17 Will save.
Omit: I passed both.
Verian: I'd be surprised if he could fail that will save against level-drain.
GM: Well it's hard to increase their level-drain DC. Anyway, that was his surprise-round. Roll initiative. [The vampire-monk easily beats the party, at least in that one narrow measure] Okay, he's going to trip and stunning-blow Umit, then trip Rhaek.

The vampire ninja or monk or whatever makes many attacks, and has very little difficulty in hitting the two casters' rather pitiful armor class numbers, nor is he in any way challenged by the opposed rolls to trip them, but his individual attack damage is not exactly putting "the fear" into Omit and Verian, and the difficulty codes on it's special attack and level-draining touch have little if any chance of succeeding against them. Balcoth suggests they get back. In the very cramped S-curve GM has drawn on the map, there is little room to maneuver, but they get up (suffering the mild irritation of its attacks-of-opportunity) and spend their actions retreating a short ways along the floor and ceiling (respectively). The dwarf moves up between them and the enemy - although the monk is using Improved Invisibility, which re-hides him in between his actions, we can see just enough to get his location every time he takes an offensive action, and we know that like anyone else he can't move more than five feet after full-attacking. And so the dwarf positions himself in the middle of the tunnel, pops the cork on one of his vials and uses the Potion of Enlarge Person to grow to large size, blocking the hall and forcing back the vampire. GM looked at the situation, then looked at his notes, while the other players looked at Azheron, who appeared to have fallen asleep.

Balcoth: [Louder than normal speech, but not even remotely shouting] Azheron!
Azheron: [Instantly reacting but opening his eyes only halfway, and making little effort to sit up]
Omit: It's your turn.
Azheron: Okay. [Azheron starts making belabored efforts to get up high enough from the low couch to see the battlemap. The couch i