This was a busy week as far as my notes are concerned, so lets get to it...
GM: This week, I am introducing a new spell into the campaign...
This is VERY unusual because it is GM's stated (and practiced) policy to avoid adding many new things to his world, such as spells and monsters from new books that come out, because, to paraphrase him: 'It is important that players have a good frame of reference for the challenges. They should not continuously encounter things that function in wildly different ways than they are used to; they should not have to deal with things that may invalidate well-informed character construction choices made by the players'. Normally, when new things do get added to the game, it is because the players have requested a new spell or Feat from a book outside the Core books, and GM must approve it.
GM: ...Ablative Dispelling. It is a 3rd Level arcane buff that lasts 1/minute per caster level or until discharged, and simply absorbs the first targetted Dispel cast on the subject.
Omit: There is a spell like that already. It's in one of the newer books, but it is 4th level...
GM: Well I'm unaware of that spell. This one is fine at 3rd Level.
Verian: Specific to [Ed: the Level 3 version]Dispel, or does it work on Greater Dispel too?
GM: Either, just the first targetted casting it's like the Psionic Ablative Dispel Screen.
Omit: The 4th level version doesn't work on Greater Dispelling.
Verian: The Psionic power doesn't actually work like that. It just adds +5 to the difficulty of the rolls to Dispel your buffs, though it is always the last thing to be checked by any dispel.
GM: That thing is SO broken...
Verian: It's Level 6... Wait, can you stack this thing? [In other words, have multiple copies on you...]
GM: Yes, why not.
Omit: The real spell does not stack; or at least, if you had multiple copies running the first Dispel would trigger and discharge them all, so you would get no added benefit.
Verian: You can't make this thing stack! That would result in caster's who are totally immune to dispelling...
GM: [Ponders this a little] Alright, I will change it so that it does not stack. Does anyone have any major objection to this spell as it stands? I strongly believe that this spell is needed...
House Dispelling Rules
At this point, I should take a moment out to note our "House Dispelling Rules" as they stand. As GM began to see dispelling as a problem in the campaign (probably around the second time that "a fight I [GM] spend hours planning" was "destroyed" by one targetted dispel magic blowing away more than half of the many buff spells on a monster or NPC caster), he began searching for new ways to treat Dispels in our game. The "true" Dispelling rules, as defined by the core boosk, have several key problems, first, second and last of which being utter randomness: for each buff on the target, roll 1d20 plus the Caster Level (CL) of the Dispel against 11 + CL of the buff. Some monsters have bizarrely high CL (compared to their challenge rating and Hit Dice), such that their spells are virtually unbreakable and their own dispels violently strip the target of everything, while other monsters have very poor CL, such that one dispel from a player strips them bare of buff spells. Against an caster of equal CL (what should be the ideal case for game balance) the results are totally random, since you effectively flip a coin for each spell. A target with only one spell on him might be utterly unaffected, while another target buffed from head-to-toe to "stacking bonus perfection" might find lose nearly everything.
The current version is meant to be an equitable solution to keep Dispelling in the game (it is a fairly essential function to prevent buff spells from dominating everything) and yet to stop us from, to paraphrase GM, "defeating an entire battle with one Dispel". In our game, a single-target casting of Dispel Magic eliminates exactly 2 spells: no more no less. Dispel Magic cast over an area eliminates exactly 1 spell per target. All randomness is eliminated. Caster Level no longer matters. By default, the higher level spells are dispelled first (for those unacquainted with the rules, I will just say that Caster Level and Spell Level are different quantities and leave it at that), however, if the caster of a Dispel wishes, they may choose which spells are dispelled instead. However, to do this, you must have a way to know which spells are active on the target - some (Mirror Image, Tenser's Transformation, Fire Shield, Haste) are quite obvious, but most spells (Bull's Strength, Prayer, Resist Elements) have no visible effect, and thus cannot be singled out unless you actually see them being cast, or have some other way of knowing (such as casting a fire spell on a target and having much of the damage warded away; you can safely assume some form of spell protecting against fire). In our version, Dispel Magic (level 3) only affects spells of Level 5 or lower, whereas Greater Dispelling (level 6) can hit any level of spell.
As an aside, since the advent of this system players cast Dispel Magic more often, not less, and (INCREDIBLY UNUSUAL) there have been VERY few player complaints about these changes.
There may have been some more objections, but there were no further strong or pertinent arguments against the spell aside from the precedents already given by Omit for comparison, so for the time being the spell was admitted into the game without uproar. Now at this point, [based on occurences in the following battle and my postmortem conversations with participants], I can tell you that there was some kind of telepathic exchange between Omit and Verian. Perhaps telepathic is too strong a word, but they shared a glance, and they shared an understanding that was mutual, such that without verbal communication, the following information was agreed upon by them:
Verian's Astral form lies in the higher reality of the consciousness. It is a tiny, compact sphere... a dull, unpolished shell of armor, perfect but for one clear crack down the side. From the sphere, crystalized ideas are expelled continuously at random intervals, while Verian struggles to preserve them... a few are entrapped by his bubbles and herded around behind him, but many more escape into the void, and the remainder fall into a hazy orbit some distance out, just out of reach of the sphere.
Verian: [Astral Form] So we are going to encounter an arcance caster this week, who will obviously have numerous buffs, protected by the new Ablative spell.
Omit's Astral form is much larger than the cautious, reclusive sphere - not necessarily greater in mass, but spread out, suspended like a plant using the elevated reality merely as a growing medium. It is a cluster of eyes, and although fewer ideas are expelled, it is surrounded by a miasma of external ideas, pulled in by its gravity from great distances away as it takes in all the information it can find. With no armored shell, its defenses take the form of razor spines, but these are withdrawn, concealed deep within the structure where they could not be unleashed without a great threat or provocation.
Omit: [Astral Form] Obviously, when we see an enemy who may or may not be an arcane caster, we should concentrate on him, using only area Dispels because they will avoid this "targetted Dispel" protection. We'll only get one buff per casting, but we should be able to hit his allies as well, in case they have anything.
Verian: [Astral Form] We need to ascertain if this spell is Self-only, or if it can target an ally... If it is the latter, you should purchase a Wand of it at the earliest possible opportunity so that you can abuse it and thus force GM to ban it.
Omit: [Astral Form] I was going to do that regardless, even if it is Self-only.
GM: I just want to note now that I am considering the party, with the inclusion of the NPC cleric to be equivalent to ECL 13. [This means that, using the book's encounter levels most encounters we face would be those designed to fight level 13 player characters, and in a "boss" encounter, we might be expected to face encounters designed to challenge a party of level 15 characters, or even up to level 16 equivalent for a "major end-of-campaign" type boss.]
Omit: So, we kill the gimp cleric...
Azheron: I think we can take him.
Verian: The XP for him would be poor, but he has good loot.
GM: He IS a fifth character: though lower in level he is still a fifth person who can take actions in combat.
Omit: [Grins evilly] Good lewt...
GM: Okay, Omit: can you refresh our memories as to what happened last session?
Omit: [Over the course of a few minutes, Omit recounts the battle that occupied most of our time last session - detailing the events of the battle practically move-by-move]
GM: Thank you, Omit. [GM can't think of any appropriate way to ask "Why can't everybody that acquiescent and thorough instead of just complaining when I ask them?"]
Verian: If you ask him, he could tell you the damage numbers too. [Since Omit recounted the battle without using his notes, it is quite likely that he could...]
GM: So, to start of this week's questioning, Balcoth: how does your character feel about torturing captured enemies for information?
Balcoth: I don't.
GM: You don't feel?
Balcoth: I don't torture.
GM: But would you do that, if you thought the information would help?
Balcoth: Not to people.
GM: Okay, but how do you define people?
Balcoth: You know, human...-like, non-evil people.
GM: Interesting. Now, second question: how do you feel about collateral damage?
Balcoth: Huh? [Ed: Obviously, Balcoth is familiar with the concept of collateral damage. He just fails to see how it applies here. He uses an axe; not cruise missiles.]
GM: What do you think of civilian casualties where magics are involved? What if your allies, in order to expedite victory with their area spells, would have to hit innocents as well as the enemies?
Balcoth shoots GM a withering glare that says "that's a stupid question" in a very strong, very final way. Though GM is actually quite resistant to Balcoth's crushing gaze, normally ignoring it and repeating the question, on this occasion he decides that there is little information to be gained so he graciously lets it go, proceeding on to his next line of questioning.
GM: Okay, those three unconscious dwarves you rescued the other day. Why didn't you search the bookcases for "loot"?
Omit: You said the bookcases were virtually empty...
Balcoth: The stuff there doesn't belong to us. If those dwarves survive, we can't just steal their stuff. And there may yet be other dwarves still alive somewhere in the mines...
GM: Okay, but hypothetically what if there were valuables there that represented your treasure for the last encounter?
Balcoth: [With solemnity] I think the time for reward will come... but not yet.
GM: You haven't answered the question.
Balcoth: Yes I have. That was my answer.
GM: Okay, answer me this: if you fight off their enemies, and you rescue and treat those dwarves and bring them back to health, do you deserve to take some of their treasure? Yes or no?
Balcoth: [Getting a little frustrated] It's far more complicated than yes or no!
Verian: He doesn't believe in the American hospital system...
GM: What?
Verian: No matter what's wrong with them, you take them in, do everything in your power to save them no matter what it cost, and then afterwards you loot them.
GM: [GM, a known proponent of the American Health Care system, sighs in irritation.] So, how do you feel about local authorities levying some sort of graduated income tax to help the poor, treat the sick, etc?
Verian: Oooo-kay, never saw THAT coming...
Azheron: Yeah...
Balcoth: It depends, would it affect us?
GM: Certainly, you are all extremely wealthy individuals. Parting with just a small amount of your income could provide for many sick and starving people.
Omit: We're already affected! [Points emphatically at NPC cleric Donner's model on the battlemap]
Balcoth: F**k'em. Nobody gets to tax us. We kill all this stuff to help them.
Azheron: Yeah, we can just go kill Liches and Demons elsewhere; let them deal with it.
Verian: We could go to another plane, where Dimension Door works! [Ed: a short-ranged Teleportation-type effect. In the world where we started, Teleportation does not work, which has Pros and Cons...]
Balcoth: Well, would it count treasure that we find?
GM: Absolutely. When you haul all that stuff out of musty forgottom tombs, it has quite an effect on the local economy...
Verian: 'The Smashing and Lewting industries are up by 13 points.'
Omit: We already have to pay tax.
GM: What tax?
Omit: 20-50% on all items that we sell...
GM: Touche. Try looking at this tax proposal another way... What alignment are you?
Azheron: [Mimes holding something up in front of his face] Lead sheet! [Ed: A half-inch thickness of lead blocks most telepathic effects, although I'm not sure if it works on the Detect Alignment spell or not...]
GM: Eh Omit? What would you do if the city implemented such a tax on adventurers?
Omit: [With uncommon ferocity and not a trace of irony] I'd kill them.
GM: You aren't thinking of this from the macroeconomics point of view. You'd help improve the local industry...
Omit: I do improve the local industry!
GM: How do you improve the local industry?
Omit: By spending so much money in their city, buying limited-use magic items.
Balcoth: [directed at GM] Obviously you're not lawful if you're trying to tax citizens of another nation for helping protect your own lands.
GM: Well for now, I'm willing to accept that the progressive taxation of PCs is unpopular, so we'll let it go... for now.
The rest of us can't even be certain if GM was at all serious about this tax idea or if he just proposed it for the fun of it. In any case, when we left off, the heroes were trying to decide what to do next, and manually searching miles and miles of mine shafts is not a popular option. We were investigation a strange stone protrusion in to entrance chanber - a semicircle projecting from the wall which was obviously created by a Wall of Stone spell, but to what purpose?
Balcoth: I knock on it. Does it sound like it is hollow?
GM: No, your keen dwarven stone sense tells you there is rock right behind and up against the wall.
Balcoth: Hmm...
GM: Anyhow a couple more skeletons come up the spiral ramp carrying ore to the smelter.
Verian: You cut through it while I figure out what to divine...
After spending over half-an-hour last time considering what to ask, Verian seemed to be no closer, indicating that must have forgotten to ponder the question for the entire intervening week.
Azheron: Well I'll just stand here and whirlwind [attack] away any more skeletons that come up.
Verian: "I'm just going to whirlwind attack the air like this, and if you wander in and get blended, it's your own fault..."
Balcoth: Well I'm going to cut around and make door shaped incision so we can just pull it down, making an opening.
GM: You get through it in a few minutes using your penetrating Adamantine blade, but are somewhat limited by the fact that you're only 4-feet tall. Your opening will be at most 5 feet high. That's a bit of a small hole.
Balcoth: I think it's them that will be limited by the small hole.
GM: Well, once you pull away the foot-think chunk of the Wall of Stone, behind it is all small rocks and boulders. It looks like some sort of a cave-in that was being contained by the Wall of Stone spell.
Balcoth: I'll start to pull the rocks away.
GM: Sorry, maybe I gave you the wrong impression, the rocks aren't loose - they are packed in solid from however lonk they've been here. It would still be a lot of work to clear them out.
Balcoth: Fine, I'll start pulling out stones, prying them with my axe and stuff.
GM: [Donner Lifesaver] "It is truly Pelor's Work you are doing. I am not as strong as you, but I will gladly assist in any way that I can..."
This is greeted with the same eye-rolling enthusiasm as everything else GM says when roleplaying our gnomish healer.
Balcoth: Come on, man, you're just baiting me. "Sorry, I only have one Adamantine tool."
Omit: Instead of bear-baiting, it's Dwarf-baiting.
GM: I'm being perfectly nice, and you always react with such hostility.
balcoth: I'll intentionally chip the stone such that a piece flies off in the cleric's direction.
GM: [Looks hurt, and then compensates by having Donner Lifesaver talk some more] "Are you familiar with gnomish steam-powered heavy hammers? We could clear this away in no-time..."
Now that the main cutting is out of the way, Balcoth tries to further offend Donner by offering his mining pick to Azheron, who gives up on smashing defenseless skeleton miners to help dig for a bit. They uncover a metallic spoke or rod of some sort...
GM: [Donner Lifesaver] "Perhaps I could identify it... Do I have Knowledge(The Planes) perchance?" [He switches from in character to an out-of-character question about the NPCs character sheet without changing from his "gnome-voice"]
Verian: No. He doesn't even have Spellcraft [Ed: A basic skill amongst casters, used for many magic-related functions, but not strictly needed for casting spells]. He has his five ranks of Knowledge(Religion) for the bonus on Turning Undead, and he took 1 rank of Alchemy because Gnomes have a racial bonus in it...
GM: [Donner] "Ah, I'll get out my Alchemy kit..."
Verian: He hasn't got one. Those things cost like three-digit gold.
GM: [Still Donner, trying to be unabashed] "I'm sure I can scrounge one up... from materials around here..."
Verian: If you can go ahead, a free alchemy kit would be good. But of course, if some opportunity arose where we needed alchemy, logically we should have the skill check done (and the kit be used) by have the individual with the highest skill in alchemy...
GM: [GM seems a little abashed now. He can see where this is going]
Verian: Donner and I each have 1 rank, but my gargantuan Intelligence bonus far outstrips his +2 racial bonus. Assuming that Omit doesn't have us both beat by an order of magnitude... [He breaks into an imitation of Marvin the Robot from Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy] "Here I am: brain the size of a planet, telekinetically stealing your alchemy kit..."
At that point something other than a skeleton came up the shaft - a ghoul (sort of a putrid zombie). GM still declared the ghoul too puny to initiate combat (adventurers of our calibre simply butcher it - when the enemy is so beneath us that Verian could take it on in hand to hand with his shortsword, it is not worth making the rolls), but he warns that it is just barely beneath that threshold - a ghoul is quite a step up from the harmless miners, all told.
GM: You butcher it, but its corpse smells horrible. I mean, the stench it exudes causes nausea.
Balcoth: No it doesn't.
Verian: He's referring to its save DC. It can't be a hard enough Fortitude save that we could fail it...
GM: No, and regardless we aren't in combat with it. I don't expect you to roll saving throws, but it still stinks.
Azheron tosses the ghoul in the volcanic furnace of the smelting room to dispose of it. Balcoth tries to find a faster way to pull the rocks away from the metal object buried within.
Balcoth: I could rig some pulleys with all these chains. What could we use for a counterweight?
Verian: Well, if some idiot hadn't gotten rid of the only mining cart... [Yeah, SOME idiot...]
Despite this most minor of setbacks, Balcoth's enginuity prevailed, and the rest of the excavation proceeded rapidly. After the rod, we found a metal hand (not unlike the one from Terminator 2), and soon after we found the owner, who we extrapolated to be 03, a missing representative from Mechanus (the same model as 07 whom we met earlier with Dom Arod. We didn't have too much time to think of this though, as a full-plate caster burst into the room with a retinue of Wights - midlevel undead, but their ability to level-drain means they are still a little scary.
A BATTLE IN POINT FORM:
A number of Wights rush in, along with a full plate caster, another of those armored Mummies and a skeletal dragon.
Knowledge[Religion] checks verify that the dragon bones are JUST an animated skeleton, and the players breathe a sigh of relief that it is not a DracoLich (a horrific 2nd edition monster that was neither a Dragon, nor a Lich, but was more than a little unpleasant).
At the first hint of enemies, Omit hovers up and into a corner (on an initiative unmatchable by any of the other combattants).
Azheron levitates up to the 20 foot cieling as soon as he gets a chance, Enlarging himself and gliding over a short ways.
Verian flies up to the 20 foor cieling as soon as he gets a chance, and casts Entangling Ectoplasm to slow down and debuff the mummy.
Balcoth charges and hits the skeletal dragon for 15.5 damage. Roughly 1/3 of his blow is warded away by the skeleton's Damage Reduction.
Donner hides his skinny gnomish arse behind the 4-foot-something monolith of Adamantine plates and blades that is Balcoth.
Omit: [Concerned that this cleric-looking enemy might be another Lich] I put away my bow and pull out my sling.
Verian: Your sling? [We know by now that Liches take MUCH less damage from all weapons except bludgeoning ones, and that goes for the skeletal dragon as well, to a lesser degree]
Balcoth: A sling? Come on, man, Why don't you have blunt arrows with a ball at the end, or something?
Verian: [Cheerfully inciting] Yes Omit, please explain why?
GM disallowed Bludgeoning arrows because they weren't in any of the Core books, they would make the bow too flexible as an attack mode (due to its massive variety of possible problem-defeating ammunition), and because GM and certain other players doubted the aerodynamic viability of blunt arrows as a means of dealing lethal damage. This bothers Omit, particularly since he has seen blunt arrows fired in real life.
The enemy Cleric casts Prayer, giving himself and all his minions +1 to hit and weapon damage and +1 to all saving throws, and giving all players -1 to hit and weapon damage and -1 to all saving throws. Except that Verian and Omit are too far apart to both be caught in the area. The cleric chooses Omit to recieve his negative "blessings".
Donner (the NPC Cleric) casts Prayer, giving himself and all his minions +1 to hit and weapon damage and +1 to all saving throws, and giving all players -1 to hit and weapon damage and -1 to all saving throws. Except that Omit and one Wight are too far and are not affected.
The two opposed Prayer spells *mostly* cancel each other out. Net result: Verian and the Wight nearest to Omit each have a positive Prayer buff. Omit has a negative Prayer debuff. All other combattants have both a positive and a negative Prayer affecting them for zero net effect.
With the shimmer of a Klingon Bird of Prey decloaking to fire, a previously invisible arcane caster Hastes himself, the evil cleric and all of the undead.
The arcane caster was using Greater Invisibility, and thus remained visible for only an instant before "recloaking".
The Wights are literally leaping off the tables and other scenery to take swipes at the airborne Azheron and Verian.
Azheron glides over a short ways more, making full use of his array of mobility powers, and performs a whirlwind attack.
Azheron's chain lashes out at five enemies, all 15 feet below him, inflicting damage on most, but leaving the armored mummy unscathed.
Omit puts a sling stone into the huge skeleton, dealing virtually no damage past the skeleton Damage Reduction, but it did hit on a very bad to-hit roll, giving us a better feel for the abomination's Armor Class.
Verian: Balcoth appreciates your casting of "Detect AC", Omit.
Balcoth: So 19 hit him... did it look like it hit him really square?
Balcoth attacks the skeletal dragon head on, using Combat Expertise for 2 points and Power Attack for 4 [TOTAL: -6 to hit, +2 AC, +6 damage (4 x 1.5 for "adjusted" two-handed Power Attack)], and hits for 15.5, again.
Donner casts Invisibility Purge, creating a massive field (centred on himself) within which invisibility is suppressed.
Finding himself disturbingly visible, the previously invisible arcane caster summons a Spiritwall between himself and most of the players, blocking the field of Invisibility Purge and emmanating pulses of fear across the majority of the room.
The arcane caster was using Greater Invisibility, however, and thus "recloaks" as soon as the Wall comes into being between himself and the Invisibility Purge.
Azheron and the Cleric [the one who can cast "Remove Fear"] fail their Will saves and cower, set to run away on their next initiative.
Omit: I'm just going to iritate that caster...
Verian: Omit casts Iritation!
Omit (whose corner position kept him safely out of the Wall's fear-cone), quickdraws his Wand of Dispel Magic and casts and area dispel covering most of the battle (although Verian is back out of range, and the area stops at the Spiritwall, thus missing the Invisible Arcane caster.
Area Dispel Magic (under our House rules) removes a fixed 1 spell-effect per affected target. By default, the highest level spell is dispelled, though if there is a conflict (multiple spell effects of the highest spell level on the target) we randomize which buff or debuff is removed.
The Fear effect on Azheron and Donner is higher level than any buff affecting them. It is removed (although the Wall activates each round, so they could be forced to save again).
All the enemies in the Dispel area are affected by Haste and two applications of Prayer (one positive, one negative). All are the same level (Level 3 Spells). Thus, each target has a 2/3 chance to be weakened by the Dispel.
Balcoth: ...Expertise for 2, Power Attack for 4... yeah I hit. I definitely hit. I did 15.5 damage.
GM: You notice that...
Balcoth: [Cutting him off as abruptly as possible] I know, 5 damage is warded away!
GM: [When Balcoth finishes interrupting]...approximately 1/3 of your blow is warded away.
LATER ON... Balcoth: I hit it for 16.5
GM: You note that roughly 1/3 of the damage is taken away by its DR.
Balcoth: ...So annoying...
GM: I would be remiss in my duties if I failed to inform you that your damage was being reduced - it is in the rules.
After the BIG Dispel... Omit: [Trying to suppress laughter] Are you taking notes? cause GM's swearing at me like nuts!
GM: Your Dispel got like 40 levels of positive buffs!
GM: [To Azheron] For a brief moment you feel compelled to KILL HIM! ...but you manage to shrug it off.
Balcoth fails his save against the magical Fear effect of the Spiritwall. Balcoth: [To Omit] Can't you do something to reveal that invisible guy? Harpoon him and reel him in.
Azheron: Traditionally, you cover them with flour.
Balcoth: [Looking at his inventory] I don't have flour. I have salt... would that help?
Omit: Salt doesn't really stick... and the grains are too small.
Balcoth: What if I make it wet?
With GM's luck, one in three is not very good odds. Not a single mob loses its 'negative' Prayer.
Skeletal dragon, having great difficulty in harming Balcoth, and tries tripping him instead.
Dwarves have a +4 bonus against being tripped. Balcoth does not (it was banned).
Balcoth is knocked down by a savage skeletal tail swipe, and the skeleton as well as the armored mummy attempt to capitalize by beating him into the ground.
GM: Take 18, Balcoth.
Balcoth: You notice that some of your damage is negated by my Damage Reduction.
Verian flies over the Spiritwall to the side that is NOT radiating a Fear save every round, and casts an area Dispel of his own. Only the invisible arcane caster is within the area. He loses a buff.
Evil Cleric casts Greater Command on Azheron, ordering him to slay Omit. Fortunately, Azheron makes his Will save and is unaffected.
Invisible arcane caster casts a targetted Dispel Magic on Verian, who is distressed to realize that he has not yet recharged his Ring of Counterspelling.
Verian loses his positive Prayer buff, and the spell he uses to simulate Uncanny Dodge. Fortunately, the Psionic version of Overland Flight is one level higher than the arcane version; normally a disadvantage, under our house Dispel rules it means it can only be affected by Greater Dispelling.
On invisible arcane caster's initiative, his Spiritwall sends out another pulse of Fear. This time, Azheron and Donner succeed their saves, but Balcoth fails and is Feared.
Azheron pounds on all the enemies around him. So far, he has nearly slain all the Wights, wounded the cleric significantly, assisted Balcoth in dealing damage to the skeletal dragon, and has had no effect whatsoever on the armored mummy, stumped by its impressive AC.
Donner casts Remove Fear on Balcoth, suffers an attack of opportunity as he moves away from the Wights at top speed, suffers some damage from proximity to the Spiritwall, makes a saving throw as he walks through it to avoid temporary level drain, and ends his action on the other side.
Suddenly, invisible arcane caster is on the same side of the Wall as the Invisibility Purge, and is revealed.
Okay, a HELL of a lot happened that week, and this report is already so long, I'm afraid I have to cut it short at this critical point in the battle. But I should leave you with a little bit more than a simple "To Be Continued", so...
COMMENTARY FROM THE ASTRAL PLANE:
Suspended in the upper reality, the tiny sphere with a small herd of ideas bubbled behind it floats across from the cluster of eyes (which is currently siphoning off more ideas from the lost ones which lacked escape velocity and fell into orbit around the sphere).
Verian: [Astral Form] Man, a lot happened in that battle, and it's far from over. Azheron has nearly exterminated the wights, and Balcoth has got the skeletal dragon low, but we should note that for all that has transpired, the player characters and the enemy leaders (the cleric, the arcane caster and the mummy) have suffered relatively little damage in total.
Omit: [Astral Form] Plus, your character has yet to do... well, anything really.
Verian: [Astral Form] Hey, I was running the cleric. Besides, we probably have to do 2 more fights before GM will let us rest. I can't afford to waste full-power spells into invisi-guy's Displacement miss-chance until it's dispelled.
Omit: [Astral Form] Nobody's complaining about the cleric...
The two philosophizing avatars are interrupted by Balcoth's astral form: a dwarf.
Balcoth: [Astral Form] You guys should have let me summon Stampy.
Verian: [Astral Form] We already used him two battles ago, and you can only call him three times per month...
Balcoth: [Astral Form] Hey, where's Azheron?
Omit: [Astral Form] I think he's asleep.
Azheron: [A faint voice] ...I'm awake... Balcoth: [Astral Form] You need to eat something salty to keep you sharp.
That was a busy week, that one I started in #11. This battle is far from over... When we left off, the invisible arcane caster was revealed once more by the Invisibility-purging field emanating from Donner, the NPC cleric, and Balcoth (who had been tripped by the skeletal dragon) was being beat on by all-and-sundry, who were trying to take advantage of the bonus to hit him whilst he was on the ground. Actually, they were still missing more than hitting, but the armored mummy (augmented with barbarian levels) managed to land a blow or two. Verian and Omit have been gang dispelling the invisible arcane caster (using only area dispels, on the 100% accurate assumption that he is using GM's newly invented Ablative Dispelling buff, which protects against targetted dispels).
Verian: Is the guy still Blinking? [Blinking is a powerful defensive ability causing the subject to phase rapidly and unpredictably in-and-out of our plane, causing 50% of attacks to miss (including most forms of magical or psionic attack).]
GM: No, that got dispelled.
Omit: What does he look like?
GM: Human-ish shaped, fine black robes with a hood that hangs low over his face, a black porcelain mask is all you can see beneath it, and he has black gloves.
Verian: Hmm. Well, I can't tell if he's undead, so I'll just have to Fire Ray him. Take 12d6+12 fire damage.
GM: He takes it. On his action he moves right through the Spiritwall, disappearing again. [Ed: as the Wall once again gets between the invisible arcane caster and Donner the Cleric's Invisibility-purging field.].
GM: Azheron, take 18. [The other players didn't seem to have realized, but the armored mummy had actually been attacking Azheron for some time, because although the room is 20 feet high, Azheron's psionic Enlargement increased his own height to about 10 feet, meaning he is only ten feet off the ground, and is within reach of the greatsword wielding undead.]
Azheron: [Doesn't appear to notice, as he is busy looking something up in one of the books]
Omit: [To get his attention] Azheron, take 38.
Azheron: [Without looking up, he gives Omit the finger]
GM: Then the Cleric gets out a scroll and starts casting.
Balcoth: [Venemous...] Mother****er, we're definitely gonna loot you.
GM: You're reacting pretty strongly...
Balcoth: He's drinking our treasure! [Technically you don't drink a scroll, but this has become the lingo for enemies who use consumable magic items, both making them harder to defeat AND preventing us from retrieving those items from their corpses.]
[Azheron is trying to mouth something the Verian, who appears totally oblivious to the subtle appeals. Balcoth, having previously been knocked prone, is trying to figure out how he can both get up (a move equivalent action) and do more than just a standard attack action, particularly since a gang of burly undead monsters had gathered around to beat on him (you get +4 to hit prone targets in melee) and they will all get an attack of opportunity just for trying to stand up in their threatened area. After investigating all his options, and considering that he has to make a new save against the Spiritwall's fear every turn on invisible arcane caster's initiative...]
Balcoth: Forget it. I'll just activate my Boots of Flying on the ground and fly up over to here... if I'm right above the wall, do I still have to save?
GM: No, the fear emanates in a cone in that direction [Indicates the side of the wall now occupied only by wights, a mummy, a huge skeletal dragon, an evil cleric, an invisible arcane caster (whom we can't see)... and Azheron]. It won't hit you if you are directly above it.
Balcoth: Good. That's what I'll do then. [The monsters still get an attack of opportunity, but they accomplish little against Balcoth's impressive Armor Class, and he soars in a very smooth and somehow un-dwarflike fashion over the wall]
Omit: I'm Dispelling that wall... it's starting to annoy me.
He does so with his Wand, eliminating anyone's need to make fear saves, allowing us to move freely through the room again, and rendering invisible arcane caster visible once more as line-of-effect is re-established between him and Donner's spell. Azheron's mouthing becomes more fervent, and Verian (currently controlling the NPC cleric) finally notices. His lip-reading may have been a little fuzzy, but "heal me" was coming through pretty clear at this point. However, by the time it was obvious enough for the less-than-observant Verian to notice, GM also noticed (although he could not quite lip-read looking at Azheron in profile).
GM: What's wrong, Azheron?
Azheron: [Shakes his head the way one does when one doesn't know what the speaker is getting at] Nothing.
GM: Yes, yes, you lie very well. You're getting low! [Starts thirstily re-examining the board position of his many killing assets and finds the situation more than satisfactory.]
Verian: [Appears a little distressed now, since cleric won't have a chance to act until after the monsters. Verian Seth himself is up though...] I'll glide over here and project a Fire Bolt through both enemy casters, the mummy and the bone dragon...
Azheron: Why couldn't you have done more of that while I was alive?
GM: The skeletal dragon fails its save, but it's still going. The mummy takes very little - much of the damage is warded away by fire resistance. The cleric and necromancer take a bunch of damage... one of the wights dies. [Showing that Azheron had beaten all the wights to within one-hit of destruction before being forced back.]
Azheron: Can you heal me?
Omit: He's a Small creature in Heavy armor, he moves at 15: there's no way he could get over there.
Verian: Cleric's next action was going to be Mass Cure Light Wounds anyway... but he can't do it until his turn comes up.
GM: The wights jump up on this table and attack you... [One gets lucky and hits, but Azheron makes his save and is NOT level-drained] The dragon will five-foot over to here, which puts Azheron within its reach. It will full-attack him...
Azheron: Of course. It won't be the first thing to home in on me.
GM: What? Should it double-move across the room and take an attack of opportunity from you to make no attacks but be in range of Balcoth for next turn, or does it make more sense for it to step one square over here and make like eight attacks on you?
Azheron: Sure. Whatever. I suppose in this case it might be more reasonable.
GM: What do you mean "in this case"???
Azheron: Oh yeah, like I've never been singled out in the past.
Balcoth: He really has been targetted by a lot of things.
GM: When have any of my monsters unreasonably targetted him? They all act however makes the most sense...
Azheron: Well, I wonder what I should come back as this time... I guess I have to be a halfling wizard if I don't want to get hosed.
Verian: You could come back as a Bard! [Our group (with the exception of Omit and possibly GM) has a very strong prejudice against the bard class]
Azheron: Nah, I'd probably do a point of damage and then he's ban the class or something.
GM: [Getting serious; he is quite exasperated at the continuous complaints about everything he does] Not now guys. Okay? REGARDLESS: Azheron, the skeletal dragon attacks you with two claws [rolls the attacks], one bite [rolls the attack], two wings [rolls the attacks] and one tail slap [rolls the attack].
Azheron: Yep, that's negative 12 hit points.
Omit: Sorry GM, you can't cast Death Knell on him then. [That spell is used to finish off a dying foe, stealing their life force to give the caster great temporary boosts. There were rumors that GM had one of his minions memorize it in anticipation of killing Verian or Omit] ...Hmm [To himself] ...looks like my calculations were off by 7 minutes. [Omit records Azheron's time of death in his notes.]
Azheron: [Very bitter, though probably not due to Omit's bookkeeping] F*** you...
GM: Well, you have my consolations. I don't rejoice in killing players, but I'd be doing you all a disservice if my monsters didn't do their best to defeat you. Anyway, don't worry, I should be sending some of your friends to join you soon... I still have some tricks to pull out, and it's time to get serious here.
Balcoth halfheartedly butchers a wight as he works his way towards the enemy casters and Omit readies his action against spellcasting, but it is clear that everyone is sort of coasting along in the wake of Azheron's most recent death. Verian has the Cleric cast Mass Cure Light Wounds, healing the allies somewhat, as well as dealing damage to all the undead, and we find that both the enemy casters were in fact living (so they are also healed). At least now we knew that anti-undead stuff wouldn't work on them.
GM: [Offhand] ...now I just have to kill Verian.
Azheron: [Dead] You'd probably have more success if your mobs tried to negatively impact him in any way, instead of killing me first.
GM: You were the only one there!
Azheron: [Dead] Oh I know. I'm always the only one there...
Balcoth: I'm sorry man, I had no idea you were so low.
Azheron: [Dead] Yeah, I know. But I had no idea that you'd suddenly disappear.
Balcoth: I needed to get out of those fear saves...
Azheron: [Dead] I always go in fighting, then nobody ever shows up to help cover me.
Omit: I was busy dispelling stuff the whole time...
Azheron: [Dead] I know, you and Verian where never there in the first place.
[Nobody questions Azheron's uncharacteristicly frustrated criticism (except anywhere he happens to dispute GM's choice in controlling monsters or proffessed targetting of Verian and Omit, in which case GM vociferously denies any bias or impropriety) because, for all our efforts, nothing speaks like results and the result of our rampant survivalist individualism is generally his demise. Although we tend to tabletalk a little (giving dubious out-of-character advice to each other from time to time), we don't necessarily act much like a cohesive unit. I don't spend a lot of effort recording this kind of thing though, so we move on...]
GM: Then the Cleric gets out a scroll and starts casting. Anyone with line of sight can make a Spellcraft check. It's DC 26.
Verian: Pfft. I make it. [Omit made it easily as well, but he doesn't boast about it]
GM: He's casting Heal.
Omit: I'll use my readied action to fire at him with Manyshot. [Omit hits with two arrows, forcing the evil cleric to make a VERY difficult concentration check or lose the spell.]
GM: Nope, he fails his concentration check. The spell fails, and his scroll is wasted. [GM seems more than a little put-off by this result.]
Verian: Okay, I'll cast Energy Stun (Electricity) targetting this vertex so that it hits both the cleric and the wizard.
Verian rolls extremely well, and his psionic power deals 55 damage to each of them, allowing a Reflex save (DC 23) for half (which both of them fail), and upon failure of the Reflex save, each is forced to make a Will save (at the same difficulty) or be stunned. GM rolls his saves, and appears VERY displeased...
GM: [Looking off into space as though trying to solve some problem in his head... makes an exasperated sigh.]
Verian: So I take it the wizard is stunned?
GM: [With finality] I give up.
Now all the players are stunned. Even Azheron. And he's dead.
GM: It's just too much.
[It takes GM a moment to regain his resolve. He was quite distraught that his wizard died with his "getting serious" tricks still unused; his potential unrealized. However, contrary to players' initial impressions, it was not so much the Energy Stun (although the high damage roll did kill the wizard, and furthermore the cleric was stunned for one round, dropping his shield and weapon and suffering a defense penalty). Rather, it was Omit's use of multishot on a readied action; the fact that it allowed him to interrupt spellcasting with multiple arrows blew GM's mind, since the concentration check goes from slightly difficult (damage from a single attack) to nigh on impossible (two attacks worth of damage). It raised serious concerns which he had not previously considered regarding the potential for a character with Manyshot to lock down spellcasters (assuming that the character could hit with both shots with the penalty every time). Regardless, GM felt a sense of obligation to the players, so he resolved to continue.]
Balcoth, Omit and Verian (mostly Balcoth and Omit) take down the evil cleric and the remainder of the crummy undead... except for the mummy, who was not only nearly unscathed, but started chasing after Donner in a fasion reminiscent of Jason (the hockey mask guy from the horror movies). In fact, Donner was taking damage at an astounding pace, and the useful heroes were still busy mopping up the other enemies. Verian, however, was hovering up near the ceiling not accomplishing anything.
Verian: Donner will disengage. So moving at half of his 15 foot speed, (rounded down) he moves 5 feet, then flees another 15 feet using the rest of his action. Then I [Ed: Verian Seth, the character] will hover down to here. [He places himself right next to the gnome cleric, making of himself an easy target for the armored barbarian-mummy w/greatsword (wizard sold separately).]
GM: The mummy charges here...
Verian: You can't charge, the table blocks your straight line.
GM: I'll move over here, and attack the cleric. Take 22.
Verian: 22? Crap, he's dead.
Balcoth: Dead dead?
Verian: He didn't expect to take over 20, the previous hits had been more around 18-19. No, he's down to negative 11, he's gone.
By this time, Balcoth was rushing over to help (alas, too late), and suddenly the mummy was the last enemy standing, and had to full attention of the party. But Azheron and the gimp cleric were dead - that's 40% casualties (call it 30%, since we didn't really value the NPC cleric too highly).
Verian: Dammit. Well, I no longer have a reason to be here, so I'll disengage 20 feet, then fly back up over here.
GM: I should have made a shorter room.
Verian: That would have made it a lot harder for us. But considering that 40% of us have already died...
Balcoth: I've got to stop buying miniatures for people...
Omit: Oh yeah, I just realized... [Balcoth had just brought in two new pewter miniatures; a spiked chain guy for Azheron's character, and a cleric. The cleric wasn't overly gnomish... in fact he was a big plate armor cleric with a mace, but we had started using him anyway.]
As Balcoth faced off against the augmented mummy, it became apparent that although this one was only a tiny bit tougher than the three we bested in the previous encounter, it was still going to be a very long painstaking process for Balcoth to beat him down, past his AC of 31 and his 6 points of universal damage reduction. The previous ones hadn't been this hard to take down, but then Verian had blasted them with a whole lot of pyrokinetic mental energy... which brought up another point. It became apparent that one of the reasons Verian had held off on nuking their foes until he was certain the wizard (his primary target) was stripped of defenses, was that Verian had expended a great deal of mana in the previous fight, and as we neared the end of this one, he had very little left - in fact, if he assisted against the mummy, he would have been unable to assist when we were inevitably attacked while trying to rest afterwards.
Verian: I can't do anything much to help. I guess I'll just loot the enemy cleric.
GM: [Something snapped...] The mummy moves over here and scoops up the wizard's body. Then he moves over this way...
Omit: What the hell? Is he worried we'll attack the body?
Verian: No, he's taking it so we don't get his loot. [Verian has no conception of how right he is...]
Balcoth: Hold on, I need that body!
Verian: I think he's gonna club you with the wizard.
GM: [The next round] The mummy pulls a deep purple potion from the wizard's robes and drinks it.
Balcoth: What the hell?
GM: Just drinking some more of your treasure. [The players were angry now, particularly Balcoth, but they could do little to accelerate the pace of the mummy's destruction. Balcoth couldn't use his Power Attack feat to beat through its DR faster because the penalty to hit would be too great against it's armor class.]
Verian: What the hell is it doing. It can't win if it doesn't fight back.
Omit: [With a flash on insight] THE FURNACE! IT's HEADING FOR THE FURNACE! Verian: [FIRST STAGE: DENIAL] It's trying to destroy his loot!?!
GM: You'll pry his treasure FROM MY COLD DEAD HANDS!
Balcoth: [SECOND STAGE: ANGER] We will presently, Jackass!
Omit: That is UNacceptable! WALL OF FORCE! [Omit uses one of his expensive Wall of Force scrolls to create a solid wall, immune to physical damage, completely barring access to the volcanic furnace/forge room.]
GM: You aren't close enough... the range on Wall of Force is only...
Omit: Fine! I'll move over here!
GM: You're so lucky. If you hadn't noticed that turn, one Run action and he would have been in there, and everything on the body would have been destroyed.
Verian: [THIRD STAGE: BARGAINING] If I died, I wouldn't care what happened to my stuff... I'd be dead. Why would this mummy be willing to sacrifice himself just to rob us of some magic junk?
GM: He has his reasons. He'll move over here into the side-room.
Balcoth: Man, the guy's such an ass. What an ASS!
Omit: Oh no you don't! Hunt him down!
Verian: What, is there a secret door in there? Because Omit searched that room pretty thoroughly...
Balcoth: [Continues chasing and chopping at the mummy, inflicting some damage, but wearing very slowly at its well-over-a-hundred HP. Omit is in on the act now, shooting three arrows per round into the rotting villain, but skilled though he is, his arrows don't do very reliable damage past the 6/- DR.]
GM: The mummy stops in the corner, turns to face you, and pulls out a violet potion and a small crystal vial. Then he crushes them, letting the precious contents seep into the floor.
Balcoth: [In sheer disbelief] Can we torture it?
Verian: Just kill it. I don't think you can torture it... it's a thousand-year old dessicated corpse already.
GM: [Next round] It pulls out a finely crafted Masterwork Wakizashi and smashes it in half on the ground. [Makes a defiant grinning face on behalf of the monster.]
Balcoth: [FOURTH STAGE: DEPRESSION] But that's a sword... we can have it repaired, right?
[GM says nothing to acknowledge this, nor do Omit and Verian, who are fairly certain that repairing the weapon would be a waste of money; it could be reforged, but it wouldn't be Masterwork anymore. The one saving grace was the system GM put in place many levels ago with regard to magic items; essentially, magic items could be repaired (at minimal cost), so that sundering attacks and other, similar freak powers (such as the weapon destroying acidic skin of a Babau demon) would be of tactical value, and could cause problems (needing a smith to repair a "destroyed" magic weapon before it could be used again) but such abilities would not permanently or irrevocably destroy treasure. Because of this, we could be fairly certain that (now that the furnace plan was averted) at least the wizard's magic items would survive to reimburse us, however slightly, for our losses.]
GM: The mummy crushes the wizard's 500 gp porcelain Sobi mask, and shreds up his ornate robes.
Verian: Are you sure that destroying items should be a move-equivalent action, because I don't think he should be able to do 2 per turn...
Balcoth: But we can just re-forge the sword, right?
Azheron: [Dead] Can we just call it a night. It's getting late. They'll kill it eventually.
GM: At the rate you guys are killing him, it wouldn't matter. That Wall of Force has a duration measured in rounds, and when it runs out he will toss the stuff in there...
Omit: Or I could just use another scroll... he won't live THAT long...
GM: Go ahead. How much do those scrolls cost you again?
Omit: I shoot him 3 times... take 13... 7... 9... and 3d6 fire damage!
GM: You're whipping out the fire arrows? Sure. The damage is warded away.
Omit: Fine, but I know he's using Protection from Fire, the level 3 one, and it has a limit... it can only absorb so much damage before I burn through.
GM: That will take forever anyway. But be my guest.
Omit: We'll win eventually, why don't you just let us take the magic stuff.
GM: Okay, sure. If you spend your second Wall of Force scroll, I'll concede that you can take him down in time.
Omit: No! I'm not spending that.
GM: Then you'll bloody well chase him down.
Verian: Or you could dispel his fire ward.
Omit: Oh man, I didn't even think of that... [This is a sign of just how ticked off Omit is, even if it doesn't show in the dialogue] I dispel him.
GM: Hmm, that changes the math.
Omit: So NOW can we just assume we win.
GM: Alright. In my infinite generosity we'll call it a night and let you keep his treasure.
Verian: So what did he have?
GM: Let's see, there is no more 500 gp lotus extract... no more Cure Serious Wounds potion with Caster Level 20... no more Masterwork Wakisashi, no more 500 gp Sobi Mask, no more 500 gp ornate robes...
Omit: [FIFTH STAGE: MORE ANGER] So what IS left...
GM: Bracers of Armor +3, a Ring of Deflection +2, ten 5 gp Onyx gems, 50 platinum pieces, a platinum ring worth 50 gp, and my undying hatred.
Azheron: [Dead] Let's leave the undying hatred on the corpse.
WARNING: SIDE EFFECTS MAY INCLUDE EMOTIONAL SCARRING AND VEHICULAR HOMICIDE.
Bear in mind that this report carries with it only a fraction of the bitterness generated on all sides. In fact, reading this report could be hazardous to all our health...
With both Azheron (or at least, his most recent character, the late spiked-chain-wielding Elocator, Malevaune) and our NPC cleric (the gnome, Donner Lifesaver) having died the previous week, Azheron would be introducing a new character, and since we unanimously exempted Azheron indefinitely from our "survivor"-style lottery (next one to die has to come back as a healer), GM has decreed that we must have an NPC cleric in order to function. He gave us a choice this time; either Verian or Omit could design the new cleric as would normally be our default, or Balcoth could do it (to "expand his horizons" or some such), in which case the cleric could be a dwarf; exempting this useful NPC from the existing ban on dwarven characters. It is possible that Balcoth has been pushed even further in his efforts to make his own character invincible by both the "house rule" limitations imposed by GM, AND by the fact that if he dies, he is forbidden from coming back as a dwarf. So over the intervening week, Balcoth took the task very seriously, intent on adding this new dwarf to the party and hoping to influence GM's roleplaying of the new cleric to reflect proper dwarfy standards.
[Though no stranger to the rules and specifically to building D&D 3.5 characters, making a divine caster would be something of a new challenge for Balcoth (who normally concentrates on honing the ultimate melee fighting machines), and he would need a little advice here and there on spells, but GM forbade Verian and Omit from helping out, offering his own time and advice wherever needed (meanwhile, Azheron was busy developing his own new character in secrecy). Omit couldn't help but interject his savvy at certain points, which appeared to infuriate GM, who attempted to silence him by responding to each of Omit's suggestions by cutting him off with extremely dubious advice of his own (such as compromising dexterity in order to increase the cleric's charisma stat because it is useful for undead-turning), which Balcoth in turn ignored. In the end, Balcoth ignored enough of the advice from all sides that he ended up with a perfectly good dwarven cleric, all set to heal us, cast dispel magic and not die (too easily). As a bonus, he settled upon the deity Farlagn to grant him spells, because Farlagn (God of Travel and Wanderlust) has the best domains. GM has often made light of the tendency for all Verian's clerics to worship that particular faith (with the 1/day reroll from the Luck domain and the wizardlike mobility spells and automatic-free-action power granted by the Travel domain), so it was satisfying to see Balcoth independantly reach the same conclusion.]
We rolled a d6 to determine who would run the NPC cleric this week, and it turned out to be Verian. Then we were right into the "interrogation phase".
GM: Okay guys, first question: How many fights do you think your party should be able to handle per day (between resting). Be honest... [He asks each person in turn, starting with those whose opinion on the subject was least known to him.]
Balcoth: I'd say two to three.
Azheron: Two for sure, maybe three.
Omit: Two-to-three.
Verian: That's pretty much it.
GM avoided sighing or mentioning that the book says a party of upper-mid-level adventurers should be able to handle 4 even-level encounters per day, having discussed it many times with Omit and Verian, who argue that the book's figure is based on so-called "full-powered PCs" unhindered by our many house-rules, and also not taking into consideration the great length to which GM goes to "optimize" encounters (using only the enemies with the best to-hit and armor class numbers, combining the most efficient casters and the occasional mob of much lower-level monsters who still have some ability to expend our resources), and the fact that the book itself says specifically that Game Masters must take into account the fact that some encounters are far more draining upon a party. Regardless, GM had no desire to rehash this discussion and eat unnecessarily into our gaming time...
GM: So, what's your new character, Azheron?
Azheron: I was hoping to keep it more of a secret...
GM: I'm sorry, I don't want to interfere with any roleplaying or anything. Just tell me this: it isn't anything I wouldn't like, is it?
Azheron: No, no. [Sigh] Well I'd have to describe her soon enough anyway. I'm an Air Mephling.
GM: A Mephling? Verian: Ooh. [Last time he read about them, GM hated Mephlings] They have ECL...
ECL, or Equivalent Character Level, balances more powerful player races by literally costing one or more experience levels.
With the Mephling's ECL of 1, Azheron's new character will come in as level 10 rather than 11. He should catch up quickly though...
GM: [Has this "You're trying to destroy my game?" look] The ones that Fast-Heal? [Fast healing, the "little brother" of Regeneration, is a REALLY powerful ability in the hands of a player character, even 1 or 2 points is actually pretty crazy.]
Azheron: No not a Mephit, a Mephling.
Verian: [Still trying to prevent GM from overreacting by feeding him informatin] They're the ones from the Manual of the Planes that were designed to be a player race. ECL:1, no fast healing...
Azheron: A really bad breath weapon, once per day, that has probably never been used by a player anywhere.
GM: [Sigh] Let me see the book... [GM is certain that he didn't like this race, and he's certain there must have been a good reason.] You can FLY??
Azheron: I have wings, yes.
Verian: And he had to spend a Feat just to get to a useful speed. [Without the Feat he'd have a flight speed of 10. Most races have landspeed of 30.]
GM: [Trying to put it precisely, in the hopes of making the players understand] Innate flight is a very powerful ability
Azheron: This isn't a level 5 campaign... everybody has flight in one way or another, even Balcoth! This just means I don't have to cast it...
GM: You aren't getting +1 Caster Level on all your Air spells or something...?
He is not. GM reviews the rest of the race description and (with some misgivings) decides that at the current level of the party, the winged flight does not present any game-breaking problem, and the rest of it is okay, considering that it is an ECL race.
GM: Okay. But your class isn't anything bizarre or broken, is it?
Azheron: No, nothing weird at all. I'm just the Warmage from The Complete Arcane [Handbook].
Verian: Ooh. [Last time he read about them, GM hated the Warmage ] They cast like a sorceror, but lack any sort of vesatility or defensive buffs.
GM: [Sigh] Let me see that. [Takes the proffered book and skims through the class entry] You're an arcane caster, on D6s, with Armor?
Azheron: Light armor.
Verian: Is Light armor and an extra hit point per level [Ed: from d6 hit dice in place or d4s] as good as having access to arcane defensive spells? Mirror Image, False Life, Greater Invisibility? He can't even Dispel...
GM: [As he keeps reading] And it turns into MEDIUM Armor? Verian: There's no real difference between Light and Medium armor.
GM: Yes there is! The difference is MEDIUM armor!
Azheron: Medium armor is at best 1 more AC than a Chain shirt [the best Light armor]. There's no point in wearing Medium armor; I just use a Chain Shirt.
GM: That's 1 more AC than you have!
Azheron: If I went up to Medium armor I'd lose movement. Why would I give up so much mobility just for 1 point of AC.
GM: Because that's 1 more AC than you have.
Omit: GM, he'd be a fool to go to the heavier armor just for 1 point. It's not worth it - not at all.
GM: What page is his spell list? [Finds it, starts checking through. He sounds more than a little reticent] So you are really just a more specialized nuke-delivery-system?
Verian: No versatility... no dispelling. His spell list is 95% damage spells, and 5% the most offensive defensive buffs they could find. Like Fire Shield.
GM: [Thorougly unconvinced...] Let me look up their new spells first...
GM spends some time looking up those spells with which he was unfamiliar, that is to say, the ones from the new book within which the class resides, and after checking them, he reluctantly approves, albeit with a bad feeling that the players will neither appreciate nor even acknowledge his generosity in allowing the class... and the race... But he doesn't want to hose Azheron, and doesn't see any immediate dangers to his adventure. Besides, another more unexpected issue cropped up:
Balcoth: You should burn it. It's offensive...
GM: What?
Balcoth: That table.
The appartment living room we use for gaming (which is typically unoccupied the other 6 1/2 days of the week as the occupants just stick to their own bedrooms where their electronics are) had recently recieved a donation of old (but mostly new condition) furniture, easily doubling the number of sitting devices even AFTER we threw the worst of the old chairs in a dumpster. There was also a new (brand new hardwood) table, which GM hoped would finally allow us to keep the battle-map and miniature table pristine, and uncluttered by the food, books and character sheets. He looked forward to the players using this new table as a writing surface so the map could remain clear.
Verian: [As shocked and confused as everybody else] What about the table?
Balcoth: Everything about it is offensive... it's round, it's not the right amount of space... it's too high. Sitting here it is just staring me in the face. The single leg, the supports are all wrong.
GM: I had no idea you were so... exacting when it comes to furniture.
Verian: It isn't as though we paid for it. It is hardwood.
Balcoth: It's too tall...
Verian: It's only an inch taller than the other one, and THIS table actually has room for our knees, instead of those stupid panels that drop down and block you.
Azheron: Yeah. [Azheron donated the "map table", which his family was otherwise going to throw out. He is well acquainted with it's horrible drawbacks.]
GM: Anyhow, nobody's forcing you to use it. You can sit over there (indicates the other new couch-like seating device).
Balcoth: I don't need it to write on anyway... [Balcoth's style is to grab one of the many outdated, obsolete books and use it as a tablet to write on] Why don't we just put it over there... [In the corner of two perpendicular couch-like seating devices]
Azheron: Then what am I going to write on? I can't write sideways over the armrest.
GM: The point of the new arrangement is that players have something to write on, and we can keep all that junk off the map table.
Azheron: I need to face forward to write. If we put it in the corner there's no point in having it.
Balcoth: [With deep loathing] ...should light it on fire... throw it off the balcony...
It was apparent that there was some history between Balcoth and the round table, but Verian traded places with him so he wouldn't be stuck within reach of it, and we moved on.
GM: Due to the death of Donner and... and... [You can tell we've been doing too much fighting and not enough RPing from the fact that GM can't recall the name of Azheron's most recent incarnation]
Verian: Blitzen?
Azheron: F*** you.
GM: Azheron X Azheron: [Generously sharing the wisdom of his middle finger] F*** you both. [The name was Malevaune...]
GM: Sorry, I couldn't resist. [We all think the movie Jason X was hilariously stupid, and some previous reference had been made to it when Omit noted that Malevaune was Azheron's 10th character of the campaign.]
Azheron: [There is general laughter] F*** everyone.
GM: Anyhow, due to their death last week, I'll be bringing in Azheron's new character and the new cleric. You two were called called upon by King Grandular [Ed: The Dwarven King on another continent who sent our poor level 3 characters on our first quest, and subsequently sent our then-level-7 characters across the sea on the current quest], who, concerned about the lack of word from the party, sent you to determine their fate and to aid them in any way that you can. You portaled from Sigil to Aberia Del-Fayr, and Dom Arod escorted you to the edge of the southern dwarven Kingdom [Where the undead-infested mines lie] and cast Wind Walk to get you the rest of the way. So you two reach the gates of the Dwarven underkingdom, and find the massive iron doors shut, looking all but impregnable.
Verian: By the way, since his 4rth and 5th level Domain spells for Travel [Dimension Door and Teleport, respectively] don't work on this plane, what replacement Domain Spells should I get. We could replace the fourth level one with Air Walk...
GM: No way.
Azheron: Huh?
Verian: Well my third level domain spell is Fly... it's actually the same thing, only worse. Plus it fits the travel theme...
GM: There's no way you're getting something that strong. You can take Divine Power instead.
Verian: Uh, okay... even though that has nothing to do with travel and is a much more powerful spell, so sure, why not?
GM: Well, you put me on the spot... [Looking through the book for replacement spells] Oh, Air Walk, I thought you meant Wind Walk.
Verian: No, not the higher-level efficient long-range group travel spell, the 4th level spell that is just like Fly (which I have, at a lower level) only worse than Fly. So can I just take Air Walk?
GM: No. You can take Divination.
Verian: [With distaste] Divination? So not Divine Power? What does Divination have to do with the Travel domain?
GM: You "read the winds" for information.
Verian: Can I just take a lower level spell from one of my domains instead?
GM: No [Actually you can, but we all forgot. It never made a difference]
Omit: [Suddenly bursts out laughing] Oh man, I'm gonna have this Permanencied on me!
Azheron: What?
Omit: [Was reading the Manual of the Planes] This spell makes you explode like a Balor when you die. BOOM! Okay, sorry. I didn't mean to disrupt everything, I apologize for the outburst.
Permanency is one of the old standbys of wizardly power from way back in the old days. In modern versions, it allows an arcane caster to make certain spells (there is a specific list so that you can't become permanently Invisible or anything gross like that) permanent upon themselves at a significant cost in Experience Points. Normally, this is a pretty dumb thing to do, because you never want to spend 1000 XP on the ability to See Invisible permanently (always on), only to have some dick (of equal or higher caster level) Dispel it. So the version we worked out with GM is that dispelling Permanent spells suppresses them, but as long as you know the spell, and you know Permanency (you didn't just cheat it off a scroll), your spell will renew itself automatically the next day.
Verian: I guess I'll just take Free Action from my OTHER domain at 4th level. Even though its been nerfed beyond any actual usefulness.
Omit: [To GM] You should let him have a spell that lets him Wind Walk for a few rounds after his death.
Anyway, the newcomers find the 3 injured dwarves who we had left in the care of the sentient flying carpet, Sepathula, just outside the underground fortress.
GM: [Turlock, the NPC cleric] "We must avenge my kinsmen. These fiends dishonor my clan-"
Balcoth: It isn't his clan; he's from Sigil. [A major city that functions as something of an interplanar hub. Obviously, it lies on a plane where teleportation works...]
GM: [Corrects himself and tries to move on without missing a beat] "...slain my kinsmen, my fellow dwarves. By Moradin's Beard-"
Balcoth: He doesn't worship Moradin [The dwarven "default" deity], he worships Farlaghn.
GM: "By Farlagn's lucky beard..." [Luck is one of Farlagn's domains; the one with the REALLY good domain power]
Omit: Farlagn doesn't have a beard.
GM: "By Farlagn's... by the hair of Farlagne...", whatever. [Shoots a venemous glance at Verian who has played and advocated Farlagn clerics just often enough to be blamed for all travel-related twinking and Farlagn-ery in general, whether or not he was in the room when Balcoth was building the cleric.]
Balcoth: He doesn't talk like that; he isn't that kind of cleric. [Balcoth is determined that GM not turn his creation "against" him by roleplaying him as an in-your-face "obnoxious" cleric.]
GM: He's a dwarf!
Balcoth: ...and you're not!
So GM tries again to get us started. We focus on the characters inside first.
GM: You guys all hear a rumbling, and feel the ground shake beneath your feet. It continues for a moment, and then a Huge Earth Elemental bursts out of the wall. "Greetings Balcoth, Omit and Verian Seth." As he speaks, his voice booms and echoes across the room, like a grating of stone plates, or an echo down a long tunnel.
Azheron: Wow, even his voice has Reach [Ed: Reach is the distance a creature can attack from in melee, but it is commonly used to refer to having a Reach GREATER than the standard one 5-foot square.]
Omit: [Bemused] "Greetings."
GM: The colossal pile of stone and gemstones...
Balcoth: Wait, is it Huge or Colossal? [Sometimes the official size categories interfere with descriptive vocabulary...]
GM: No it's Huge. Poor choice of descriptive words... "It appears that you were triumphant."
Omit: "We won, but our triumph was marred by the loss of two of our friends."
GM: "Yes, I am sorry for the loss of your fallen foes-", er, allies! [corrects himself] "...fallen allies. Ah, the mighty Azheron-X and Donner."
Azheron: My character's body rolls over and gives you the finger.
GM: [Getting serious again, but the elemental's tone remains genial] "I must thank you for defeating Aaron Crash. With my master dead, I will have my freedom once my task is complete."
Verian: [His RPG sense kicking in] I don't like where this is going.
Balcoth: "What was you mission?"
GM: [The Elemental] "I must guard the tomb from all intruders. The wording was specific in that regard, however, without my former master around to issue further orders, there is nothing preventing me from helping you to some extent.
Balcoth: "Can you take us to the tomb?"
GM: [The Elemental] "...Yes. In fact it is doubtful whether you could reach the tomb without my aid. Aaron Crash did not specify that I could not bring intruders to the tomb, simply that I must defend it from them. However, I must ask a favor in return."
Omit: "What favor?"
GM: [The Elemental] "If I take you to the tomb then I must ask the you destroy me. I have been denied the joys of my home [Ed: the Elemental Plane of Earth] for far too long. I cannot die on this plane, but destroying my current form would return my spirit to my home. If you could do this, I would be very grateful, and would reward you greatly should you later visit me in my home. If you go to the Elemental Plane of Earth you have only to say my name."
Omit: "Which is?"
GM: [The Elemental] "Garama-rush-arom-arom-arush." [Those who tend to make notes make note of the name as best they can]
Balcoth: [Sympathetic] "It sucks that you have to come here."
Equations of Honor...
There is a historic movement amongst our extended gaming group (all those with whom we have played over the last 5 years or so), initially incited by Verian, though he has since attempted to distance himself from it (though it should be further be noted that he has done little to discourage it, nor did it need any help perpetuating itself). It is a simple mantra, sung to the tune of a song, sung by an un-named purple dinosaur rip-off from a Simpsons Episode, but rather than "2 plus 2 is 4... 2 plus 2 is 4", the new words (which spring quickly to players lips in any number of situations) were quite simply "Honor equals dumb."
When it started, it was used to shoot down plans and suggested courses of actions from GM (then a player), and was oft accompanied with examples of movie villains who stupidly allowed themselves to be killed due to various Honor-inspired errors. Soon, examples were no longer required, and any suggestion of an inconveniently honorable course of action was met with an enthusiastic chorus of "Honor equals dumb".
The movement reached its peak when GM attempted to run a campaign set in the Oriental game setting of Rokugan (of L5R fame). The (enforced) assumption of the society that all members of the noble (Samurai) class should act with great honor above all, created innumerable situations where the honorable course of action was at best inconvenient, and far more often stupid and perversely "undignified" to the players' Westernized sensibilities. Furthermore, all but one player chose his heritage to be from the Crab clan (who were renowned as the most uncultured and uncouth of the Great clans, and thus had slightly less expectations upon their conduct), and furthermore, each of them chose to be from the Hida house because Hida starting equipment included the oriental version of full plate armor, and they qualified for potent armor-enhancing Feats. GM's fervent objections that to wear armor outside of battle was not-as-honorable, particularly for a Shugenja (sort of an Oriental priest) were dismissed by Verian's comment "But there's no PENALTY for Shugenja casting in heavy armor" and many rounds of "Honor equals dumb" from all other players. Of course, by this time Verian knew that it was more difficult to hold him accountable if he did not add his own voice.
GM: [Garama-rush-arom-arom-arush] "Yes. There is one more problem though: I am bound to only be defeated in honorable combat. I cannot return home in dishonor."
Verian: Shock.
GM: Why are you guys always against honor-duels?
Azheron: [Rhyme not intended] Honor duels are for monks and fools.
GM: When Omit ran his crazy-assed module I fought his honor duel!
Omit: [Laughs] I was so surprised when anybody accepted that.
GM: WHY? Balcoth: You accepted an honor duel with a demon who was the final boss of a dungeon module.
GM: I kicked his ass!
Omit: You did beat him up very effectively before you died.
GM: ANYWAY... [Garama-rush-arom-arom-arush] "I must warn that although I am much weaker here than in my home I am still, without pride, a very powerful being. Some of you will likely perish in the attempt."
Balcoth: "Do you think we can defeat you?"
GM: [Garish-garage] "It is... possible. But if you fail I will bury you all with honor. I can see that you are weary from your battle, and I can guarantee your safety as you rest and prepare to face me."
Verian: Cool. [Verian had been very vocal about the fact that our actions had to take into account the guarantee of one attack per attempt to rest (and regain spells) and the great likelyhood of a second such interruption per night.]
GM: [Garbage-mush] "I sense the presence of two beings outside the gates. Should I destroy them?" Remember that buddy's voice is deafening... its like talking to an aircraft engine.
Balcoth: [In no way biased by the out-of-character-knowledge that the new replacement party-members were waiting outside] "No, let's see what they are first..."
The Elemental opens the doors, we meet up with the newcomers and explain the situation. Though some party members are concerned by GM's continued allusions that we will die, and GM gives us many attempts to back out, we eventually decide to fight to free the Elemental (after being shown the tomb and thus accomplishing most of what we came here to do). But before any of that can happen:
GM: Azheron, can you describe your new character?
Azheron: Her nake is Rikkon. She's a 4-foot tall humanoid, with light blue skin and almost translucent wings. She's wearing light armor [Ed: Light armor translates as a Chain Shirt], and she's carrying a flute and shortsword.
Balcoth: A flute? You're not a bard are you?
Azheron: No.
Balcoth: Cause we'd have to destroy you on sight. You could come back as something useful, like a cleric.
Azheron: I'm not a bard. I got the flute just to have something different. Why don't you come back as a cleric, Balcoth? You might enjoy it... I know I did for the first 3 or 4 times...
Balcoth: Well, do you know how to play it?
Azheron: Better than you...
Omit: Not better than me. You want a flute-off? [Ed: I know that sounds dirty, but it's not...]
Azheron: What, you have ranks in Perform? [Azheron's new character is a Warmage; a sorceror variant, and thus casts spells using his Charisma stat. Meaning that his Charisma is probably at least twice that of a normal character, and Charisma is the stat for social skills such as Perform(Instrument or otherwise)]
Omit: Yes I do. I'll get out my clarinet...
Verian: A clarinet? That seems, I dunno, a little out of place in most medieval settings...
Omit: It's a woodwind instrument, like a recorder. They've been around forever.
Verian: I think a clarinet is a bit more advanced than a recorder...
GM: [The instument thing started out RP-ish, but it had gotten way off-topic] OKAY, and what's the cleric like?
Balcoth: He's a dwarf.
GM: What's his name?
Verian: Turlock Irongreaves.
Balcoth: Greaves? No.
Verian: What's wrong with greaves? It's an armor piece.
Azheron: I think we should follow the AxeBeard rule for dwarven names.
Balcoth: Greaves? We should call him Grimbeard.
Azheron: Perfect!
So his name is retroactively changed to Turlock Grimbeard. Anyhow, the Elemental protects us as we rest, and we get ready for the journey to the tomb, which Garama-rusha-rom-arush assures us we cannot reach without him.
GM: You rest completely unmolested, without a single random encounter, let alone TWO random encounters...
Verian: Sweet. [Happily records the refilling of his Psionic Power Points]
GM: [Grumbling-russian-rash] "You must enter within me if you are to travel through the ground to reach the tomb."
The history of Stampy (and the usage thereof) may not be too well known to most readers. Stampy is, of course, the Simpsons-referenced-nickname given to Balcoth's Figurine of Wondrous Power: Elephant, which conjures a real, live african elephant from its heavy statue 3 times per month for up to one day at a time. The elephant will obey the owner's simple commands unerringly to the best of its abilities; it is a powerful beast of burden, capable of great feats of strength, as well as beating on large enemies, trampling over small enemies, and using its bountiful elephantine hit points to simply take hits for us on occasion, interposing its 3x3 square mass where necessary, fearless (unless hit by a Fear effect) because the death of the conjured beast has no permanent impact on the magic item itself.
However, these uses hardly seem like enough. Balcoth has considered many controversial uses, including (but not limited to), "Stampy, eat these corpses", and one particular incident in the desert a couple weeks before I began these journals. The party was being pursued by an unfathomably obnoxious incorporeal undead: a Dread Wraith. The Dread Wraith posessed an armor class (and touch armor class) high enough to cause us concern, its incorporeal miss chance gave it 50% protection against all sources of damage except a handful of spells, none of which we had. As undead, it was immune to mind affecting attacks and critical hits. Its touch was unlikely to miss and inflicted significant Strength-drain, and its preferred method of attack was to spring attack out of the walls or ground, drain STR, then re-submerge itself in solid matter so that it was hidden and not targettable for all but a split second of every round. Worst of all, it's movement rate was nigh unmatchable: there was no outrunning it (except for Omit).
However, GM let slip that it always attacked the nearest living thing (it's primary sensory ability was life-detection), and it could pass through any non-living matter at will to get there. So Balcoth hit upon the idea: Stampy could swallow us, and we could use his bulk (and his copious Strength) to shield us from the wraith while Stampy ran away at its best speed. We never did adopt this plan.
Azheron: [Whose new character, Rikkon, is related by blood to the denizens of the Elemental Plane of Air, who are typically opposed to the Plane of Earth] "...Uh, is this really necessary?"
Balcoth: "Yeah, I'm not sure I want to jump inside the Earth Elemental."
Azheron: Oh sure, when it's Stampy you can't wait to get inside, but when it's the big friendly elemental...
Balcoth: Stampy does what I tell him. When I say "barf", he barfs."
GM: [Not too encouraging] Right.
Balcoth: "Stampy: drink lots of water", "Stampy: burp every hour."
Azheron: You could bring a bedroll in there.
Balcoth: "Eat small underbrush... don't chew too much. While you're at it, I could use a steak..."
The elemental escorts us safely within him some unknown distance into a large natural cavern, part of which has been hewn to make a stately tomb. It is very ancient, and the only staircase appears to have been collapsed thoroughly, probably through the work of a large (or possibly huge) Earth Elemental under the command of a planar binding spell of some sort. There is a raised dais with the tomb proper, but the majority of the room has rough mostly natural cave floor, the ceiling is of varying elevation and there are large stalagmites projecting from the ground in places. And there is a large stone disk standing upright against a wall, which we recognize as a planar portal.
Grom (or whatever the Elemental's name was) wants to give us every advantage to prepare, but as soon as we say it's on, it's on, and the will be no more mercy. After giving us the command words for the portal (in case we win and choose to depart that way), he descends into the ground and waits for us to call out his name. We stake out the section of the room with the highest ceiling/deepest floor, but we can see right from the outset that there is nowhere tall enough for us to get out of reach of a Huge creature which can pop out and attack from the ceiling as easily as the floor. Nevertheless, we all take to the air through our various means (Boots of Flying, Wings, Elocator levitation and Psionic Overland Flight) because Earth Elementals suffer penalties to attack you if you aren't touching the ground. After all GM's warnings of the lethality of the Elemental, Grimbeard the new NPC cleric cast Prayer, and Omit used a precious scroll of Good Hope, so between the two spells we were swimming in to-hit and saving throw bonuses. Then Balcoth summoned Stampy the super-elephant, Grimbeard used HIS brand new (and far stranger) Figurines of Wondrous Power to summon the mystical Goat of Travail and the Goat of Terror (large constructs). And thus prepared (with Verian and Omit casting their own buffs as usual, Azheron and Verian triggering their Rings of Invisibility, figuring that the Elemental's tremorsense would not help it to locate flying targets, and Omit taking the extra step of using his Wand of Magic Weapon [CL 20] to upgrade Balcoth's Axe to a +5), Grimbeard cast Aid and Shield Other to protect Balcoth, and finally we felt ready to initiate...
A BATTLE IN POINT FORM:
The pets (Stampy and the 2 Goat Golems) are arranged to form a perimeter.
The Elemental (once called) pops out of the ground (smoothly, leaving no mark or sign of his passage) near Goat of Travail's quadrant.
Azheron uses his readied action to snap off an Orb of Force, hitting the Elemental for 39 damage (Force).
Verian uses his readied action to cover the Elemental in Entangling Ectoplasm, slowing its movement and giving it -2 to hit and AC.
Elemental hits the Goat of Travail for 39 damage (Bludgeoning).
Omit: "A small portion of the damage is warded away by its thick hide."
Azheron realizes he forgot to add his Warmage Edge (his class adds his Int bonus to spell damage). Elemental takes 1 retroactive damage (Force).
GM will no longer be telling us "what AC" enemies hit. He will resume asking our AC, and telling us only "Yes or No" whether or not we were hit. This more closely follows the the procedure for when players are attacking, the idea being to give us less information (or at least, make us work harder for it).
Verian casts Inflict Pain on Elemental. Elemental makes its Will save, and thus suffers only -2 to hit (in addition to the Ectoplasm from earlier).
Omit and Balcoth rearrange the pets. Goat of Travail retreats; it and Goat of Terror reposition, hoping to run around the huge stalagmite and outflank Elemental. Stampy moves in to meat-shield for us.
Stampy attempts to gore Elemental.
Balcoth charges Elemental, attacking between Stampy and a stone spire, using Powerattack for 5, Expertise for 5. The total of -10 to hit from these maneuvers is too much, and he misses.
Elemental full-attack action. On Stampy's death, Elemental uses Cleave to hit Balcoth for 38 damage (Bludgeoning).
Balcoth: "You barely hit..."
GM: "44 barely hit?"
Balcoth"Yeah."
GM: "Really?"
A portion of the damage is warded away by the DR from Balcoth's Adamantite Plate armor, then half of the remaining damage is redirected to the NPC cleric by his Shield Other spell.
Azheron hits Elemental with another Orb of Force for 41 damage (Force).
Omit shoots three Fire arrows into Elemental. All three hit, and the lowest to-hit roll was 27, giving us a much better idea of its AC.
Verian blasts Elemental with Energy Ray: Fire, for 58 damage (Fire).
Grimbeard wanted to heal Balcoth, but after Damage Reduction, the half of the damage absorbed by Grimbeard himself (transfered by Shield Other) and the temporary HP granted by his Aid buff, Balcoth doesn't need healing.
Grimbeard drops a small cure spell on himself.
Balcoth full-attacks Elemental with Power Attack:5, Expertise:3, hitting for 31 (Bludgeoning). Roughly 1/3 of the damage is warded away.
The Artificial Goats make a two-pronged attack, suffering significant damage from Elemental's attacks of opportunity (reach), and inflicting little or none in return.
Elemental hits the fells Goat of Terror with 35 damage, Cleaves the Goat of Travail for 37 damage, finishing it off.
Elemental sinks into the ground and out of sight.
As it escapes, Balcoth strikes it for 22 damage (Slashing) on his attack of opportunity. About half of his damage is absorbed by Elemental's damage reduction.
Balcoth regroups, and Grimbeard stays near.
The pansy characters rearrange slightly, unsure where Elemental will come from next.
The heroes nervously ready their actions for the first sight of the enemy re-emerging.
Elemental pops out near Azheron.
Azheron: "Again I have the aggro..."
GM: "Come on, look-"
Balcoth: "Don't charge." [Charging into melee is considered to be the #1 cause of Azheron deaths]
Azheron: "THIS character will NEVER charge."
Verian uses his readied action to snap off an Energy Ray(Fire) for 60 damage.
Azheron uses his readied action to cast a Fireball for 27 damage.
Elemental continues its action, scoring a critical hit on Azheron, but rolling astoundingly badly, for a total of 36 damage.
Momentarily forgetting the new information restriction, GM let slip that Elemental's attack roll hit AC 48.
GM: ...and it's a critical!
Azheron: Oh, big surprise.
GM: That's like my first crit ever on you in weeks.
Verian: There are LOTS of Azheron characters on the heap with "critical" written all over them.
Omit uses a Scroll of Summon Monster VI (which we got off the Lich) to summon a Fiendish Rhinocerus.
Fiendish Rhinocerus hits Elemental with its horn for 20 damage (Piercing). Half of the damage is prevented.
Elemental beats the Rhinocerus into the ground then repositions to be within reach of the entire party for next turn.
Omit had selected the Fiendish Rhinocerus from the Summon Monster VI list specifically because it had a chance of taking more than one hit for Elemental to kill. It did its job.
GM: [Ponders Elemental's next action] "I wanna kill Verian."
Azheron:[Shudders] Great, that means I'm dead now...
Elemental's first attack hits Verian for 35.
Verian: "That takes out most of my Vigor spell."
Elemental's second attack hits Verian for 31.
Verian: "That hurts me..."
Azheron finishes off Elemental with an Arc of Electricity for 39 damage (Electricity).
Of note, there was something of an exchange when Azheron popped off his first Orb of Force spell...
GM: Orb of FORCE?
Azheron: Yeah. It caps out at 10d6. The other ones all cap at 15d6 and have a special effect the target has to save against. So in one level, the other ones will already all be better. [Azheron is currently only CL 10, whereas when he levels he will get 11d6 with the non-Force Orb spells.]
GM: It's FORCE! It affects EVERYTHING.
Verian: That's why it does less.
GM: No no, that spell is brutal. I don't like that at all. It's like a one-stop solution to all problems...
Azheron: You looked at all the spells. You said the Orbs were okay. GM: I didn't see that one, okay? It was just a quick look through. But surely you can see that you can't have a 4th level spell that does 10d6 Force damage, with no save? [There is one Orb spell (and a lesser version) for each of the five main energy types, so it is understandable to have flipped through them and missed the Force one, it being the "odd-one-out" from that perspective]
Verian: It's not that much more than an Empowered Magic Missile, which would be a 3rd level spell equivalent, and has no to-hit roll. This is a level 4 single-target spell.
Omit: There's a Greater Magic Missile spell in another book, that does-"
GM: [Sigh, really heartfelt...] We'll review it at a later time.
Yet strangely enough, GM was no more pleased after the fight... As though he expected this 8-round battle to go more like 28 rounds, particularly with the amount of warning and prep time he gave us.
GM: [His tone is almost (but not quite) accusatory] You guys did 250+ spell damage to it.
Verian: Yeah.
Azheron: Yep.
Omit: We have two nukers now.
Once again, GM is frustrated to find a flaw which appears major to him, and utterly unconcerning (if not positive) to the other players. In any case, the Elemental's body "poofs", leaving none of its valuable gemstone behind, which indicates that it was brought physically from its home plane the hard way, rather than being conjured via the usual Summon spells and made out of local materials. However, it drops one large Gem, which turns out to be a Stone of Earth Elemental control/summoning. With his "dying" breath, Garam-arush-arom-arom-arush thanks us and "lends" us this powerful magic gem, requesting that we return it some day. Searching the tomb, we uncover little else of value. The body lying in state is so old that even its armor appears to have decayed away. Only an old not-very-special looking warhammer remained intact. However, when Balcoth grasped the hammer, he was beset by visions and fell unconscious. We were unable to wake him.
Omit: Can we wake him with water on his face?
GM: No, he's really out.
Azheron: I start stripping off his armor, does THAT wake him?
GM: No.
Azheron: Okay, nothing we can do will wake him.
Balcoth: [Unconscious] Make sure you get my elephant. [The Figurine of Wondrous Power that summons Stampy is left wherever the conjured elephant dies.]
Verian: I'm sure you would have remembered to grab it before walking over and knocking yourself unconscious with a hammer.
And finally, I can't really figure out from my notes what inspired this exchange, but for the record, I'm sure GM was annoying Omit in some manner (whether or not Omits frustration was warranted is not recorded):
Omit: GM, how would you like it if I shove the Manual of the Planes up your ass?
Azheron: I wouldn't like it! It's my book!
Verian: No, I think that's just the old 3.0 one.
Omit: Yeah, this is the obsolete one.
Azheron: Oh, okay then.
[In case anyone is at all confused, I should make it clear that we DO NOT sit around referring to each other by character names. That's just my thin privacy protection method for these reports. In reality, we refer to each other by real names, and in fact we tend to do so sometimes even when we are otherwise "in character", which is pretty poor practice for roleplaying, and leads to some of us occasionally even forgetting the names of our fellow party members, particularly Azheron's characters. But anyhow...]
GM: Have a seat, Balcoth, tonight we a dispensing with the usual interrogation phase.
Balcoth: Excellent.
Verian: Cool.
GM: Azheron, could you refresh out memories as to last week's events?
Azheron: We fought the big elemental, he tore all our summons to shreds then "randomly" aggroed onto me...
GM: [Exasperated Sigh at the implications of "randomly aggroed onto Azheron"]
Azheron: ...Then we killed it, and Balcoth picked up the hammer from the tomb and fell unconscious.
GM: Thank you, that pretty much covers it. Now, on a related note, the following spells have been changed: Stupid Force Orb has been changed from 1d6 per level (capped at 10d6) to 1d4 per level (capped at 10d4). That is all.
Verian: So now it hardly does any more than an Empowered Magic Missile spell, which is only level 3, and hits automatically, whereas Force Orb is level 4 and has a To-Hit roll.
BY THE NUMBERS: [As cast by a 10th level Wizad]
Orb of Force [Complete Arcane Handbook]: Level 4 Spell
10d6 average = 35 damage (Ranged Touch, No Save)
Orb of Force [nerfed]: Level 4 Spell
10d4 average = 25 damage (Ranged Touch, No Save)
Magic Missile [PHB]: Level 1 Spell
5d4+5 average = 17.5 damage (Autohit, No Save)
Magic Missile [w/Empower Feat]: Level 3 Spell
(5d4+5) x 1.5 average = 26.25 damage (Autohit, No Save)
GM: I have a strong dislike of efficient Force effects, or anything else that seems to present an ideal solution to all problems.
Verian: So you don't want us going into that "Force disciple" prestige class.
GM: That piece of junk? You're welcome to it...
Verian: [His "Munchkin"-sense is tingling] Really? I should go do the math and make you revisit that...
GM: You guys know that when you slip through a character, or feat, or spell because I have missed some application or combo, I generally let is go the first time, then ban or change it afterwards. But when you know, without a shadow of a doubt that something will be banned after I see it in action, why don't you just cut to the chase? Why not reduce ONCE to ZERO?
Verian: [Weakly, and perhaps a mite defensive] Sometimes the player has a different opinion than you of what is unbalanced...
Balcoth: What about when you snipped my nut-sack? [Ed: Recall that Balcoth is to be "last of the Player Character dwarfs". Dwarves in GM's game have been relegated to NPC status, but that ruling was grandfathered to permit the party's only pre-existing Dwarf, which we tend to liken to a visceral end to Balcoth (the character)'s procreative abilities.]
Azheron: Yeah, he never really tried to use them.
Balcoth: You never add in something else. Everything is always a negative contribution, to keep changing things after "review".
GM: None of my contributions are negative! - Besides which, I'm going to kill you all.
Moving on... we started out, examining the room more closely. Balcoth, being unconscious in-game, gets up to visit the kitchen and stuff. The tomb yields very little of value; in fact, nothing other than the crappy looking and apparently non-magical (and yet obviously magical) hammer Balcoth touched. GM says everything else has decayed into uselessness, including any magical items that might have been there. He later mentions that the junk has been there over 700 years, and the players balk at the idea that magic items would not only stop working, but would in fact rust away to nothing in such a short span, since most NON-magic metals would survive virtually unscathed in the sealed tomb. When Balcoth returns into the room...
GM: Balcoth, you wake up to see Omit standing over you trying to steal your stuff.
Omit: I wasn't doing anything!
GM: A likely story...
Verian: [Sarcastic] Yes, obviously Omit is trying to steal your stuff. He really wants that armor... [Omit has a VERY high dexterity, and some class-based defenses and other bonuses that don't work if he wears any armor, let alone Balcoth's 50 lbs of Adamantite.]
GM: Actually, you're pretty sure Verian Seth was trying to steal your stuff too. He's been after it for some time...
Balcoth: Whatever. So what does the hammer do?
GM: Well it's made of gold and platinum, encrusted with precious jewels, and as you hold it you are sure that it is very powerful and that you should hold on to it.
Verian: But it still looks like junk to the rest of us?
Balcoth: Oh great. I'm not cursed, am I?
Azheron: "Don't put on the Ring!" [Blatant LotR reference]
GM: I'm sure it's fine. But there's a voice in your head. It says "You must slay Tyrannus."
Balcoth: Who the hell's 'Tyrannus'?
Azheron and Verian: [Together] Count Dooku. [Blatant Episode II/III reference]
And so we turned our attention to getting out of the tomb (although GM made clear that he wasn't going to hose us with "running out of oxygen" any time in the forseeable future. We got in with the help of a powerful earth elemental. But then we killed him, so THAT option is out. He left us the command words to operate the Stargate-like ring of the dimensional portal (which Garam-arush-arom-arom-arush said he had dragged down here from elsewhere in the mine tunnels in case we wished to use it), but we have no idea where it goes. From our previous experience with these portals, we know it's rarely anywhere good. GM has suggested that while we could go that way, he made sure it was not the only way out (despite the fact that the tomb's only access was a staircase, which the elemental had THOROUGHLY collapsed on Aaron Crash's orders before we killed the evil wizard.
GM: Oh that reminds me: the Stone of Earth Elemental Control that he left you summons a Huge elemental. I'm adjusting and/or clarifying that because the DMG entry is pretty unclear...
Verian: No kidding. It suggests that you get a Huge elemental unless the earth or stone available are unsuitable, in which case you only get a Large elemental. But it gives absolutely no information on what the requirements are...
GM: Yes. Now, the stone CAN be used once per day, but with this particular stone, belonging to Garam-arush-arom-arom-arush, if you use it more than once per week, you will owe favors to the beings you summon in the manner described by the spell Lesser Planar Ally.
Azheron: So we got a defective stone. So noted.
Omit: [Turning to the question of finding an alternate route out] How far down are we?
GM: There's no way to tell... "Far..."
Omit: No, I mean have Balcoth figure it our using his Dwarf senses.
GM: They can't just sense how deep they are. They just have an incredible aptitude for tunnels that lets them determine whether or not it is sloping and what the grade is.
Balcoth: I'm pretty sure that part got snipped off...
Omit: [After looking it up in the PHB] Yes, he can. Dwarves automatically know their depth when they are below ground.
GM: I'm sorry, I was unaware of that. You guys are down about... 2 miles. Balcoth: a voice in your head says "Why aren't you preparing to kill Tyrannus!!"
Balcoth: Verian, you know Disintegrate, right?
Verian: I do. But it would take Eons to drill up to the surface. Ten cubic feet per casting, figure I could do it about 5 times per day and still have half my power points left for combat (after my daily buffs)...
Not a single person even thinks to ask how we'd would find anything to attack us in a sealed cavern 2 miles beneath the earth. It's just assumed that something would come along. Probably while we were sleeping.
GM: If that's your plan, then air may become an issue...
Balcoth: That's not what I meant. [It takes us a while to catch on; Balcoth is actually so concerned that he may have been cursed by the ancient hammer we found that he is already considering drastic means of removing it...]
Verian: So how long would the air last?
GM: Two days.
Azheron: [In character] "I don't like it in here. It's dark and I can't see the sky...[With a new character, and anticipating a longer lifespan than some of his ill-fated incarnations, Azheron is making efforts to roleplay his half-Air-Mephit spellcaster, but has a difficult time making and RP headway with the rest of the players still insistant on playing like cold analysts.]
Balcoth: Can you use the spell Regeneration? Like burn an arm off and grow a new one.
GM: That spell is just there to counter a bad game mechanic that normally never happens. Losing limbs is normally only a result of bad critical-hit-tables...
Verian: Or traps. Anyway, if there's no way in here, and we have no idea what's on the other side of the portal, then we should take this opportunity to rest safely, so we have all our resources for Planar D-day.
GM is visibly displeased by this notion. After "generously" giving us a chance to rest unmolested before fighting the Elemental, he was expecting us to make some effort to at least try to do the 2-3 fights per day the players had admitted to be reasonable, if not the 4 GM wanted. We had done one, and were already resting AGAIN.
GM: You may rest in peace.
Azheron: That's not what I want to hear...
GM: [The old-school Batman tune] NANA-Nana-nana-Nana-Azheron Twelve!
Azheron is not pleased by the simultaneous "many death" and "future death" allusion so 'elequently' put. Anyway, we rested safely, and with all our spells and hit points replenished we were ready to address the issue of the planar portal.
Balcoth: Worst case, if we go through and what's on the other side is really bad, we just jump back and shut it.
Azheron: And then we're stuck right back here again.
Verian: We could bull rush the enemies through the portal and then seal it.
Azheron: [Whose new character Rikkon is a Small sized frail-winged 8 Str creature, on meagre d6 hit dice] I'm not bull rushing anything. Verian: [Cheerfully encouraging] You can do it, just put your heart into it!
Azheron: [Lets his finger do the talking]
GM: When you speak the command words, the portal opens, filling the ring with a shimmering glow, but this time it is a red glow, whereas the previous portals you have seen all glowed blue.
Verian: If it is different, that may indicate that this portal is one-way, so retreat may not be an option.
Balcoth: We could... [We have already given up on all the normal ideas for testing a portal, such as sending through an expendible object tethered to a rope and trying to reel it back, since none of these ways actually work (most portals will sever such a tether in transit, leaving you no real idea if the other side is safe at all). However, Balcoth refuses to give up and is always attempting to innovate with new forms of non-magical problem-solving...] ...We could put some spin on a ball and roll it through, so that if it is clear it will inevitably spin back through. And we can check if it's hot or cold so we know if its the plane of fire or something.
Verian: That's a good idea, but it doesn't really work. I mean, if it came back it would tell us a lot, but if it doesn't return that gives us no real information. It wouldn't roll back if the surface on the other side was slanted, or too rough, or if the portal was on a different orientation. Plus, we know from previous portals that passing through generates random time-dilation; we pop out in random order rather than the order we went through. We can't know for sure if passage retains physical orientation either; didn't some of us come out of the Plane of Fire portal facing the wrong way? [No one can remember.]
Balcoth: [Giving up... for now] What about the three wounded dwarves with us?
Verian: Didn't the elemental give them to the carpet to take care of them?
GM: He said he'd take care of them if you all died. [GM seems a little disappointed that this particular contingency did not arise]
Verian: Well, we have a shortage of strong people now. Just roll them through. [In fact, the average Strength score of the four player characters is currently 11. It's lower if you factor in Grimbeard, the new NPC cleric.]
Balcoth elects to lug through his injured brethren using his superior carrying capacity (and the dwarven power to move the same under their maximum load as they do when unencumbered), rather than to give them over to such indignities. Anyway, everyone starts to fly (using their own individual means, from wings to psionics to Balcoth's magic boots) and those who can turn invisible do so. Then with one last check to make sure we haven't forgotten anything, we all pass through.
We emerge from the other side in complete darkness. Fortunately everyone by now has some form of darkvision, allowing us to percieve the nearest 60 feet of the cavernous space in clear black-and-white. The portal is lying horizontally, parallel to the ground such that the travellers are ejected upwards, and the portal beneath them appears closed - an empty space, save for the instant that each character emerges, meaning there is no return - either the gate is one-way, or the command words that would take us back (or to any other portals that may be linked with it) are different and unknown to us. In fact, Verian Seth's speculations prove eerily accurate on nearly all counts.
GM: [Once establishing that everyone does in fact have darkvision ] The portal you came through is lying on a massive cart being dragged by about twenty orcs. They look rougher than regular orcs, but still pretty orky and obviously no match for you.
Balcoth: Good. I'll kill'em all.
Verian: You could try to 'dialogue' with them...
Balcoth: Fine, I'll leave some alive.
GM: The chaos orcs have seen you now, and they are all snarling at you and waving their weapons.
Balcoth: I'll drop down and hit one.
GM: *Thunk* He dies in one hit.
Balcoth: Good, good. I have Cleave, so I'll kill four a round...
Verian: [To Omit] Do you not speak Orc?
Omit: Fine, what are they saying? [Verian knows that Omit invested heavily in the Speak Language skill, and with his high intelligence score, his list of languages resembles that of Nazi Jill's usual character in AGC.]
GM: They are cursing you and threatening you and describing how they are going to kill you. Some of them are pulling out crossbows. But I should reiterate that they are absolutely no threat to you guys. They just have no idea how outclassed they are.
Balcoth: I'll make sure to leave one batch alive. Then I'll continue on killing the rest.
GM: They ARE making efforts NOT to be slaughtered four-per-round. Spreading out and such...
Balcoth: Whatever.
GM: The ones you left alive kneel down, turn their blades towards their stomachs, and...
Omit: He didn't leave them to commit sepukku.
Balcoth: I knocked them unconscious with the flat of the blade. That's what I mean by "not killing them". I don't just walk past a bunch of guys trying to hack at me.
GM: Fine. The last ones that ARE conscious kneel down and commit suicide, cursing you as they die.
Balcoth: Alright, I'll tie up the ones I left alive, then we'll wake one of them.
GM: He starts cursing you and...
Balcoth: I didn't say I ungagged him. [Balcoth proceeds to threaten him in no uncertain terms and imply (but not actually offer) a chance of freedom if he cooperates.] Hey, is one of them the leader?
GM: No. You killed the Lieutenant - you were just butchering your way through when you noticed your axe stuck on him... "Huh? Second hit-die?"
Balcoth: Okay, NOW I un-gag him. Omit, ask this guy who he works for?
Omit: Fine. I translate his question.
GM: "I'll tell you nothing! My soul is prepared! When I die at the hands of you infidels I will travel to the glorious fiery pits, where my seven virgins await, and..."
Balcoth: Okay, I gag him and move on to the next one.
We get no useful information from the stupid religiously brainwashed orcs.
GM: Are you done torturing your captives for information?
Balcoth: [Makes very clear that he is not violating his personal concept of Lawful Good alignment in the treatment of evil monsters] I'm not torturing - not causing any pain.
Omit: We aren't getting any more out of them. We'd be better off using Speak with Dead.
Azheron: "Corpses never lie..."
Balcoth: Okay. I put my foot through his head, then I put my fist through the other one's head.
GM: Ow. You successfully defeat your bound and helpless foes.
Balcoth: That reminds me, I'll get my bindings back.
GM: [Sighs at his inability to instil any sort of conscience via his subtle but pointed wording of his responses.]
Balcoth: Whatever, they're Masterwork...
GM: Anyway, as you guys get your bearings, Verian and Balcoth begin to feel uneasy. Azheron better feel uneasy. Omit: you feel right at home. The cleric feels VERY uneasy...
Verian: [Moans. The uneasyness tends to indicate the the plane we are on is strongly tuned to an alignment, and based on the players named, it doesn't take a rocket scientist to know this plane is stongly Chaotic. Verian Seth is even more uneasy than GM states, because while his character sheet says "Lawful Neutral", he has always emphasized the Lawful aspect. In fact, if he had to describe in brief why he was Lawful Neutral and not Lawful Good, it is because he feels that the importance of law and order often supercedes the individual "good".]
Azheron: [Like everyone else, reads the planar alignment loud and clear]It shouldn't affect me.
GM: [A little dismayed] You aren't Lawful Good?
Azheron: No, Chaotic Good.
GM: Balcoth, you HAVE to be Lawful...
Balcoth: Yes, it's required to be a Dwarven Defender [prestige class].
Verian: You guys pat them down for religious symbols.
Balcoth: Let's get the portal off the cart so we can use it.
GM: You're looting the CART?
Balcoth: Sure. We could put the injured dwarves on it.
GM: It is HUGE. Moving it took 20 orcs... It weighs like 2000 lbs!
Balcoth: I thought they were just there to guard it. How big IS it?
GM: It's like the size of this room!
Omit: What's it made of?
GM: Iron.
Omit: That's a lot of iron.
Balcoth: Well if we can't use it, we'd better destroy it. I'll wreck the back of the cart with my axe.
GM: Always with the axe...
Verian: Watch out; if we take it for scrap it'll get turned to tinfoil.
A Speak with Dead spell from Omit's stash yielded a little information from the "captives": now we had some names to go on.
The tinfoil comment is a loose but pointed reference to the Adamanatite affair. Way back on Lizard Island (during the sea journey we began at level 7), our rescue mission led us to a familiar-looking planar gate (blue glow, rather than red) which took us to a small fortress on the Elemental Plane of Fire. With an endless ocean of lava just outside the windows (and at least one enemy trying to launch us out into it via Telekinesis) we fought many tough battles, including the "bugged red dragon" (which inflicted maximum damage with its breath-weapon because of a misunderstanding on the properties of the Elemental Plane of Fire).
Once we'd cleared the castle of dragons and efreeti and golems and wizards and a salamander, we were able to free a djinn, who was imprisoned in a cage of foot-thick adamantite bars. The players went nuts, drooling over the adamantite, cut them out, and all of them, ESPECIALLY Balcoth, hauled as much of it as the could over great distances to find a town where they could sell it. GM was somewhat surprised by their reaction, having set up the bars as described simply because the cage needed to be strong enough to hold the djinn; the real treasure was supposed to be the djinn granting a Wish for each person. In D&D, a wish has limitations, but it is a powerful thing. When Balcoth was seriously contemplating using his Wish to have the djinn aid in transporting all the Adamantite, GM realized he may have given out too much, and amended or errated it to have been steel cored bars with only inch-thick Adamantine. When Balcoth still insisted on filling out every pound of his maximum weight allowance, jettisoning less essential gear to make room for more, GM started making more concrete assesments of the value for a mass of the metal: GM: THREE-HUNDRED THOUSAND GOLD! That was the original (solid Adamantine bars) amount. Already it had been reduced to more like 50 thousand gold, but even that was more than GM had ever intended it to be worth (that's about the value of two wishes). And so the "purity" of the Adamantine turned out to be low, to the point that players complained that the "solid adamantine bars" were now more like Adamantine-leaf coated bars, and the mass that Balcoth had been carrying was finally barely worth the effort. Figuratively speaking, GM had turned gold into lead.
We summon and load the sickly dwarves onto the Goat of Travail, but before we headed through the endless caves of The Abyss to find the Screaming Fortress of Incarceroni and its cruel master Blong Cho, and possibly even rescue some of his countless slaves... there was a little bookkeeping to cover:
GM: Balcoth, what's your Move Silent check?
Balcoth: Pretty horrible.
GM: Yeah. I need a number.
Omit: It'll be in the negatives.
Balcoth's number was pretty bad (about -7), but it turned out not to matter since Grimbeard (our brand new dwarven NPC cleric), also in full armor and heavy shield, but with less dexterity than Balcoth to mitigate the noise,
